ROMSHELL!

That’d be a popular headline if the newspapers were remotely arsed about the fact that Romelu Lukaku doesn't seem overly keen on a permanent move to Everton.

Fresh from giving a rather poor account of himself at the World Cup, the big Belgian goal plunderer has gone off on holiday, presumably leaving his agent with instructions to find him the Champions League club of his dreams.

While you could imagine David Moyes sitting forlornly in his office, like Stan waiting for a reply from Eminem, Roberto Martinez remains typically upbeat about the situation, and seems content to just let this one play out. He’s obviously not going to come out say it, but much of his apparent confidence in the deal coming off probably stems from the belief that no club really fits the young striker’s alleged criteria.

As clinical as he is in front of goal, Lukaku still has gaping holes in his game that will preclude him from leading the line in a team which competes regularly for the highest honours. In short, his first touch and general holdup play are shite, and that won’t wash with snides like Jose Mourinho, who incidentally is the manager at Lukaku’s parent club Chelsea.

Other big clubs are said to be interested, most notably Atletico Madrid and Juventus – both champions of their respective leagues – and even Christmas and Easter title winners Liverpool were rumoured to have made an enquiry before snapping up the annoyingly excellent Loic Remy last week.

Wolfsburg has been mooted as another possible destination, mainly because they’re minted now, but despite this nouveau rich status they’re unlikely to trouble the Bayern Munich-Borussia Dortmund duopoly anytime soon. Like Everton, they had a great season but still only finished fifth, so unless Lukaku decides that he may as well earn as much moolah as possible if he has to lower himself to playing in the Europa League, it’s not somewhere I’d expect to see him go in the near future.

There is, of course, also the option of him simply signing a new deal at Chelsea. It would sort of make sense given that they loaned him out so he’d return to them a better player, but with Diego Costa arriving for £32m there’s little chance of him making anything like the number of starts he did at Goodison (and lots of other grounds) last season. To be honest, coming off the bench and rotating with more experienced forwards would probably suit him well at this point, but luckily he seems reluctant to accept a supporting role now that he’s tasted life as a leading man.

Everton face a tough start to the upcoming campaign, travelling to newly promoted Leicester City and then hosting Arsenal and Chelsea in the week before the transfer window closes. With that in mind, it’d be remiss for the club to again wait until the last minute to get their business done, and so we could reach a point where Martinez is forced to drop the nice guy act and tell Lukaku to put up or shut up, pal, as we’re not prepared to write-off nine points just so you’ve got time to see if Costa looks like he could end up being a bit shit.

Oh, and in other young Belgian striker-related news, Everton are said to be closing in on 18 year old David ‘Cardinal’ Henan, about whom little is known but much shall be expected.

Goodbye to All That

‘It will all be over by Christmas,’ they said, and after one hundred years they finally made good on their promise to bring our brave boys home before we know it.

England fell at the group stage of a World Cup for the first time since 1958, their elimination secured before a ball was kicked in the final game against have a go heroes Costa Rica. A solitary point spared Roy Hodgson’s media-approved squad the ignominy of being known as the worst in its country’s history, but despite stiff competition from woeful World champions Spain they still managed to observe their proud tradition of always being by far the most dire of the teams with a minimum wage of £50,000 a week.

Much of the blame for England’s two defeats was quite rightly laid at the feet of Everton duo Leighton Baines and Phil Jagielka – both of whom had the temerity to not only turn up for the flight to Brazil, but also play when asked. Better, more patriotic men would have stepped aside and allowed giants of international football such as John Terry (0 World Cups, 0 European Championships) and Ashley Cole (0 World Cups, 0 European Championships) to link up with perennial winners Frank Lampard (0 World Cups, 0 European Championships) and Steven Gerrard (0 World Cups, 0 European Championships) for the good of the nation, but those two selfish bastards didn't even consider it.

Baines in particular was horribly out of his depth, evidenced by the fact he wasn't up to the simple task of marking two players at once while simultaneously holding the hand of a forward who is twelve years into his career. The good news for England is that Hodgson has already identified a suitable replacement in Manchester United’s new £27m left-back Luke Shaw, who is already twice the player Baines is and will only get better. The 18 year old Southampton youth product has the combination of defensive steel and attacking prowess required of full-backs in the modern game, and will almost certainly probably improve on last season’s tally of no goals and one assist.

Like most people of pension age, Hodgson is constantly learning and evolving, so fans can rest assured that he will have taken the lessons of this fantastically entertaining World Cup on board. For example, the plight of Spain and success of lesser lights such as Colombia, USA and the aforementioned Costa Ricans has shown that in tournaments where a team’s fate is often sealed within the first two games, a dependable collective work ethic is more useful than a selection of mercurial individual talents that will turn up whenever they can be arsed. It was this line of thinking which led to unpopular decisions being made to leave behind the likes of Samir Nasri, Carlos Tevez and Kaka, and the vindication of those decisions which makes the public pleas for Lampard and Gerrard to extend their international careers all the more baffling.

Anyway, enough about England.

With the finish line sadly in sight, hosts Brazil are set to meet Germany in the first semi-final tomorrow. Juan Zuniga’s Bane-inspired attack on Neymar has left ‘Uncle Phil’ Scolari’s side looking more toothless than an Alabama crackhead, while the Fatherland’s own firepower issues have led to them resorting to all sorts of tactical variations in an attempt to compensate. It’s a tough one to predict – the only certainties being Fernandinho committing an absurd amount of fouls without being booked, and David Luiz trying to boot the ball out of the stadium every thirty seconds if the Brazilians take the lead.

The second semi-final will see Lionel Messi and friends take on Louis van Gaal’s Holland, who despite their pedigree are somewhat unlikely participants at this late stage. Both sides look vulnerable at times but have been able to punish opponents on the counter-attack, and with games becoming increasingly tight it seems safe to assume that this one will be settled by whichever front three gets out of the blocks quickest. It’ll also be interesting to see if incoming United boss van Gaal has any more ‘innovations’ planned for the press to lap up. One can only imagine how his newsworthiness will cause Jose Mourinho to act out in retaliation next season.

Anything else? Oh yeah, Romelu Lukaku has admitted that returning to Everton is at least a possibility, but to be honest he doesn't sound overly keen. He may have to get used to the idea though, as I don’t think the Champions League regulars he’s planning on joining will have been too impressed watching him chase down his own first touch over the last few weeks.

Manchester City 3 Everton 1

‘Reverse Engineering would be a good match report title,’ I thought, as Romelu Lukaku beat Joe Hart to send Everton into an early lead which Manuel ‘The Engineer’ Pellegrini surely wouldn’t have planned for. Sadly though, before I’d so much as considered how I’d explain the joke without labouring and ruining it, the home team had equalised through one-time Everton phony bid subject Alvaro Negredo.

To the Blues’ credit, they took the disappointment of conceding barely a minute after scoring in their stride, and spent the rest of the first half trading chances with their wealthy hosts in a manner we weren’t really used to seeing from a team which would often look to keep things as tight as possible away from home under the previous manager.

Lukaku had a legitimate penalty appeal turned down by ‘referee’ John Moss after being shoved to the ground, while at the other end Sergio Aguero fluffed his lines on two occasions when faced with the intimidating sight of Tim Howard and his new Al Qaeda beard. The Argentine did, however, find the courage to beat Guantanamo’s no.1 on the stroke of half time, as he received David Silva’s through ball on the turn, put a yard between himself and Sylvain Distin and found the inside of the far post to make it 2-1.

Despite the setback there was still a feeling that Everton remained very much in the game and could quite conceivably find an equaliser of their own after the restart, but as was the case against Newcastle last Monday, Roberto Martinez’s team appeared incapable of finding a second wind and pushing the pace again following a strong opening stanza.

Recognising that his side had lost its ability to threaten on the counter, Martinez replaced the ineffective Kevin Mirallas and tiring Leon Osman with Gerard Deulofeu and the almost-mythical Darron Gibson, but the game was over as a contest before either substitute had a chance to make an impact.

Barely five minutes after the changes were made Seamus Coleman sent Pablo Zabaleta tumbling with football’s equivalent of the ‘ghost punch’ which Muhammad Ali hit Sonny Liston with. Moss reacted exactly how you’d expect after listening to Neil Warnock’s withering half time comments from the Starship BT Sport, and Aguero’s penalty found its way into the net via Howard’s hand, post and head.

That was pretty much it for the Super Blues, as for all their outstanding talent, Lukaku and Ross Barkley are still just 20 and 19 respectively, and are simply not able to go full pelt in the Premier League without running out of steam after an hour or so. That showed once again at the Etihad, as the ball gradually stopped sticking up front and the defence found themselves under more and more pressure in the closing stages.

Everton clearly missed the ineligible Gareth Barry, who might have been able to do something about his former teammates carving through midfield with relative ease as the game wore on, but even if everyone’s favourite loanee had been able to feature it would have still been a tough afternoon against players as good as Silva, Aguero and Yaya Toure.

One particular plus point, though, was the performance of James McCarthy, who brings the sort of energy and enthusiasm that Everton’s midfield has lacked for some time. If the Ireland international can add an eye for a forward pass to his arsenal then the £13m that old Whealan Dealin’ insisted Everton cough up for him won’t seem quite so steep.

Hopefully the international break will give Martinez and his players enough time to come to terms with the fact that their wait for an unbeaten season will go on for at least another year, and they’ll bounce back in spectacular fashion when fat head Steve Bruce turns up with his newly promoted Tigers a week on Saturday.

Everton 3 Newcastle United 2

The world’s most sporadically updated Everton fan blog is back – roused from its slumber by the thrill of living life on the edge with Bobby Brown Shoes, and ready to provide a half-arsed alternative to its more engaging contemporaries.

Everton sauntered into fourth place last night after three first-half goals proved enough to secure maximum points against an eventually-resilient Newcastle United.

On-loan striker Romelu Lukaku made one of the more eagerly anticipated Goodison Park debuts in recent memory, and the imposing Belgian certainly didn't disappoint. Having already had one goal disallowed, Jose Mourinho’s latest scourge opened the scoring on five minutes when his shot deflected in off Tim Krul after fantastic work from Kevin Mirallas down the right wing.

Lukaku then turned provider, sliding in Ross Barkley with the sort of subtle pass that many Evertonians had forgotten existed outside of video games. The England youngster took the ball in his stride and clipped it effortlessly beyond the on-rushing Krul before Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa or Fabricio Coloccini could so much as think about stopping him.

The theme of Everton scoring types of goals that they usually concede continued with the third, when Coloccini and Krul decided to take a page out of Johnny Heitinga and Tim Howard’s co-written book on meeting long balls with passive resistance. Howard himself was the architect, sticking two fingers up at Roberto Martinez before unleashing an almighty hoof which Lukaku chased down with actual, un-Nikica Jelavic-like intent. The Newcastle goalkeeper and defenders decided that they really didn't fancy it, and Lukaku was able to dummy past the sliding Coloccini and tap into an empty net.

Alan Pardew, who has quietened down a bit since being relegated from ‘another league’, made two changes at half-time, introducing early Michael Dawson prototype Mike Williamson and the excellent France international Yohan Cabaye. The substitutions paid dividends almost immediately, as Yoan Gouffran’s effort off the post was followed shortly after by a fantastic shot from Cabaye which left Howard with no chance.

Everton panicked a bit at this point and lost the measure of control which has been a hallmark of Martinez’s early tenure. The game started to open up and there were glimpses of the suicide bomber football which Martinez’s Wigan teams became synonymous with, though in fairness the Blues really should have had a fourth when Leon Osman somehow managed to deflect the magnificent Seamus Coleman’s drilled cross away from danger.

There were also chances late on when Gerard Deulofeu, who sometimes looks like the yin to Royston Drenthe’s insane yang, opened up Newcastle with blistering runs down the flanks only to fluff his lines by shooting when the angle was against him and there were teammates arriving in better positions.

The obligatory heart-stopping finish was ensured when, with barely a minute of normal time remaining, Loic Remy latched on to a seemingly harmless knock from Cabaye and contrived to beat Howard after escaping the clutches of the otherwise superb Sylvain Distin. The French goal-grabber had a chance to give Martinez his first taste of a Goodison booing when another opportunity presented itself in the dying moments of ‘Kinnear time’, but the (alleged) sexual predator was unable to live up to his ruthless reputation, sending an overly-enthusiastic effort high above the crossbar.

Overall it was a great game marked by several tremendous individual performances, most notably from Lukaku, Mirallas, Coleman and Barkley – whose weekly disaster pass is thankfully happening further and further up the pitch every week. It wasn't perfect by any means, as the visitors’ two goals suggest, but the first-half performance was as good as any there’s been from an Everton side in a long time.

Match Report: Newcastle 1 Everton 2

Everton recorded their fourth away win of the season last night, coming back from a goal behind to claim three well-deserved points against Newcastle United at St James’ Park.

Marouane Fellaini returned from his Christmas holidays to partner Nikica Jelavic in attack, while Phil Neville recovered from the knock that kept him out of the defeat to Chelsea in time to replace Thomas Hitzlsperger in midfield. Injuries to Seamus Coleman and Tony Hibbert meant that Phil Jagielka again covered at right-back.

The game couldn’t have gotten off to a worse start, as a lack of communication between John Heitinga and Sylvain Distin, who have known each other for a while now, led to Papiss Cisse getting in behind the Everton defence and looping a header over a stranded Tim Howard after just two minutes.

David Moyes’ side regrouped and dominated possession throughout what was an open, entertaining first half, but were lucky not to fall further behind when James Perch rose above Heitinga to head against the post from a Vurnon Anita free kick. With the transfer window once again open, I don’t think anyone would be surprised (or arsed) if this turned out to be Heitinga’s last game in a blue shirt.

Steven Pienaar should have equalised when the phenomenal Leighton Baines sent him through one on one against Tim Krul, but the South African instead fired a tame effort straight at the onrushing goalkeeper. More good work down the left from Pienaar saw Fellaini presented with a chance to pull one back, but he too was wasteful.

With half time looming it looked as though Newcastle would make it to the break with their lead intact. That was until Fellaini won an admittedly soft free kick from Cheick Tiote, which Baines, swinging his left boot like the Hammer of Thor, blasted into the top corner. He’s just the best.

Newcastle almost started the second half as well as they did the first, when Fellaini’s lazy flick was picked up by Anita, who chipped a ball over the top which Shola Ameobi brought down well before shooting wide of Howard’s left post.

As part of the original crop of English players that keep getting contracts on the back of their ‘potential’, until one day someone realises they’re thirty years old and have about fourteen goals to their name, Ameobi is a great example of how quickly a career in football can pass by without anything notable happening. Seeing this from his seat on the bench, Victor Anichebe entered the fray on the hour mark and made an immediate impact.

A great move down the left saw Baines pick out Jelavic, who combined with Pienaar and Fellaini before setting off down the wing, wrong-footing Fabricio Coloccini and crossing low for Anichebe to finish less than 90 seconds after he was sent on to replace Steven Naismith. It was arguably Everton’s best team goal of the season so far.

The remaining half-hour saw chances for both teams, with Newcastle’s best opportunity coming when Cisse was thwarted twice in quick succession – first by Heitinga and then Howard – while the Blues continued to look dangerous on the counter-attack.

If Everton are serious about challenging for a Champions League spot then they’re going to have pick up a few wins on the road where most would settle for a point, and on this evidence it’s something they’re capable of doing. Obviously it’ll be difficult, not least because the team directly above have just gone out and bought Demba Ba, but with his side entering the new year in fifth place, Moyes must be starting to believe it’s possible, if improbable.

Preview: Everton vs. Liverpool

King Brenny and the hordes of Mordor are marching towards Goodison Park to contest the 219^th Merseyside derby, so I can only hope that David Moyes and his hard luck heroes are prepared for whatever disaster is likely to ensue.

Everton go into Sunday’s lunch time clash sitting fourth in the Premier League, six points ahead of their opponents, but after two away fixtures that turned out to be a lot more difficult than they needed to be, confidence isn’t quite as high as it was a month ago. That being said, Everton remain unbeaten in their last five outings, and have suffered just one defeat so far this term.

Liverpool are starting to find a bit of form themselves, having won two of their last three in the league, and they looked fairly solid again on Thursday night when recording a 1-0 win over an expensively assembled Anzhi Makhachkala team in the Europa League. To be honest though, even if Liverpool were bottom of the league with a goal difference of -40, the fact that David Moyes’ record against them is absolutely shite would still make an Everton victory anything but a forgone conclusion.

Last season represented Moyes’ nadir in terms of derby performances, as Everton followed an unfortunate 2-0 home defeat (where Jack Rodwell was sent off courtesy of a phenomenal piece of play-acting by Luis Suarez) with a disgraceful 3-0 hammering at Anfield and a pathetic surrender at Wembley. I don’t want to tempt to fate, but you’d have to believe that it couldn’t possibly be as bad this time around.

News that Marouane Fellaini is likely to return from injury has provided concerned Blues with a massive boost, not least because Steven Pienaar is due to serve a one-match suspension for startling Jose Bosingwa during the draw at QPR, though whether or not Darron Gibson and Tony Hibbert will be ready in time remains a mystery.

Gibson in particular has been missed in recent weeks. Cynics may suggest that his Bill Goldberg-style Premier League winning streak is bound to come to an end in a game against Liverpool, but getting him back in ahead of Phil ‘traffic cone’ Neville would greatly improve Everton’s chances of recording a first derby win in what feels like a very long time. Liverpool may not be as strong in centre midfield as they were in the days before Rafael Benitez turned into the Mad King from Game of Thrones, but it’s still the area in which they’re strongest.

Steven Gerrard will party like it’s 2005, as he always does against Everton, while Jonjo Shelvey and Nuri Sahin are both tidy footballers with better engines than Neville and Leon Osman. Hopefully Brendan Rodgers will opt for Joe Allen rather than one of Shelvey or Sahin, but even if he does, it’ll be tough for Neville and Osman to compete judging by their poor showing at Loftus Road.

As has often been the case in derbies since Everton escaped the post-Kendall decade of despair, it seems as though belief is going to be key. The good will that was re-built between the opposing sets of fans in the wake of the Hillsborough revelations should keep things fairly cordial off the pitch, but that’s unlikely to stop Everton dropping their arses on it. Liverpool are still a good side, but they’re not even close to what they were three years ago, and, on paper at least, Everton don’t have a great deal to fear if they can keep their nerve.

Suarez will need to be watched closely – for all his faults he’s very, very good – and they have a very exciting talent in Raheem Sterling, but if Everton can cut out the individual errors that so often mark these occasions there’s no reason they can’t keep Liverpool on the back foot.

If Moyes decides to return my calls, this is the XI I’ll be telling him to go with: Howard; Hibbert, Jagielka, Heitinga, Baines; Gibson, Osman, Fellaini, Mirallas, Naismith; Jelavic

Preview: Leeds United vs. Everton

David Moyes’ ruthless victory machine rolls into Elland Road tonight for a Capital One Cup third round tie against Leeds United.

Leeds, now managed by Neil Warnock and his ill-fitting tracksuit bottoms, sit eleventh in the Championship after seven games, and will be in high spirits following a 2-1 win over previously undefeated Nottingham Forest last Saturday.

The biggest threat to Everton’s chances of getting their name in the hat for the next round comes in the shape of in-form striker Luciano Becchio – who doesn’t look even remotely South American – making this a decent test for Shane Duffy if Moyes decides to give the young Irishman a chance at centre half.

Along with perennially over-weight goalkeeper Paddy Kenny and his former Sheffield United teammate Michael Tongue, Evertonians will also recognise paragon of evil El Hadji Diouf, of hilarious £9m transfer to Liverpool fame, lining up for a Leeds side that has only made it past the third round of this competition once in the last decade. Diouf is 31 now, so this could be your last opportunity to hurl abuse at and be spat on by one of the great pantomime villains of the 00s.

Moyes has never really been the type to rest players for cup fixtures, but with Everton looking capable of at least challenging for a Champions League spot for the first time in several years he may decide to change things round a bit more than usual. It helps that there are now more than a few good/promising players waiting for their chance to impress the manager, so I wouldn’t be surprised to see six or seven changes to the team that performed fantastically throughout long periods of Saturday’s 3-0 win at Swansea.

Summer signings Steven Naismith and Brian Oviedo will likely be given starts, and League Cup stalwarts Jan Mucha, Seamus Coleman and Magaye Gueye will all be in contention. Nikica Jelavic is available again after overcoming the injury sustained when he collided with a goalpost against Newcastle, but I imagine Victor Anichebe will be rewarded for his goals in back to back games by keeping his place in the starting XI.

Obviously Everton need to show Leeds enough respect to avoid providing them with an opportunity for an upset, but they should also look at this as another chance to show they’ve developed into a team to be feared. If the Blues get at them early, and silence the rowdy Yorkshire bumpkins that’ll doubtless be right up for it, a third away win of the season is well within their grasp.

Possible XI: Mucha; Coleman, Duffy, Distin, Oviedo; Osman, Neville, Mirallas, Naismith, Gueye; Anichebe.

A Quick Review of England's Euro 2012 Performance

They came, they played like an alehouse team, they got knocked out in the quarter-finals.

Roy Hodgson’s maiden voyage on the good ship England was only ever going to be one of two things: a chance to begin phasing out the remaining veterans of the failed ‘Golden Generation’, or a spirited but ultimately sad attempt at emulating Greece’s unlikely triumph at Euro 2004. Unsurprisingly it ended up being the latter.

Joleon Lescott, Danny Welbeck and Scott Parker were all given opportunities to prove themselves worthy of becoming England regulars thanks to injuries, suspension and racism. However, with Hodgson already talking about how the returns of Frank Lampard and Gareth Barry will improve the team, as well as singling out Steven Gerrard, John Terry and Ashley Cole for special praise, it seems likely the old gang will be back together once the World Cup qualifiers come around.

Despite the general consensus that he did well to win Group D after having just six weeks to work with his new players, Hodgson may end up looking at Euro 2012 as a wasted opportunity. Never again will he go into a major tournament with the English media looking to dampen public expectation, making it the ideal time to take a risk on players that are untried at international level. Instead he kept faith with a core of players that have shown time and time again what their limitations are as a group.

England weren’t the worst performers of the major nations that qualified, but while Holland and France have gone home in shame, with heads already starting to roll, Hodgson and his players have been spared any real criticism for setting up like a League One side visiting Old Trafford when they faced Italy on Sunday.

Averaging 39% possession and managing less than 20 shots on target in four games is pretty poor considering England boasted the highest earning set of players at the tournament, and the less said about the fact they completed just 15 passes in 15 minutes during the second half of extra-time the better. Both Hodgson and Gerrard acknowledged that ball retention is the key area in which improvement is needed, but managers, players and FA officials have been saying the exact same thing since Phil Neville sent England crashing out of Euro 2000.

Hodgson will be able to select technically gifted central midfielders such as Jack Wilshire, Tom Cleverly and Tom Huddlestone in the run up to the World Cup, but it remains to be seen whether he will be ruthless enough to call time on the likes of Barry, Lampard and Parker over the next two years. It’s already been confirmed that Gerrard will carry on as captain, which is fine as long as he isn’t picked in a deep-lying midfield role – he showed the discipline to hold his position and work hard for the team, but he had virtually no impact going forward against Italy and was cramping up after 70 minutes.

The worst thing about the way England set up was that not only were they never going to dominate possession, but they also lacked the ability to counter attack. Ashley Young was decent when played behind the forward against France, and he deserved a second chance against Ukraine after an underwhelming showing in the Sweden game. Why he started the Italy match, though, is anyone’s guess.

Of the 29 crosses put in by Young and James Milner over the four games, just three found a white shirt, which is terrible by any standard. Milner was apparently picked to babysit Glen Johnson, who actually defended well most of the time, but it was quite obvious by the conclusion of the group stage that he wasn’t worth his place – the fact he was brought off for playing shite during every game being the clearest indication.

Even though Adam Johnson was inexplicably left out of the squad, Hodgson did have out and out wingers in Theo Walcott, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Stewart Downing (stop laughing at the back!), who could have at least provided outlets and given opposition full backs something to think about. If a manager knows his team isn’t going to dictate the tempo but he doesn’t want to play on the break through wingers then his only option is to launch the ball at a target man, but given that Carroll spent most of his time on the bench that couldn't have been the plan either.

Going off their final two matches, it seems as though England’s tactic was to keep things tight and hope Wayne Rooney, who warmed up for the tournament with a trip to Las Vegas, would produce something special, and therein lies the problem; England have relied on individual moments of brilliance for too long. It used to be Beckham’s free-kicks, which in fairness were quite reliable, and now it’s Rooney’s goals.

Rooney’s still a great player, but after eight years without a decent performance at a Euro Championship or World Cup it could be time for England to give themselves other options. Moving to Manchester United has swelled his trophy cabinet and bank balance, but Rooney has had to sacrifice his own game for the benefit of the team under Ferguson, and he no longer has the explosiveness required to destroy teams on his own like he did as a teenager.

Hodgson is a good manager and likeable man, and he deserves credit for uniting the dressing room and getting them to show real grit and determination. Still, I won’t be surprised if it’s same again in Brazil.

A Look at England's Euro 2012 squad

On May 1^st 2012, after 36 years coaching clubs and countries all over the world, Roy Hodgson realised his lifelong ambition of being appointed manager of England. He succeeded Fabio Capello – one of the most decorated managers of the modern era – despite a campaign led by the national media for Harry Redknapp to be given the job, and was left with around five weeks to plan for his first major tournament.

Clearly Hodgson hasn’t been dealt the easiest of hands, but that doesn’t excuse his decision to select what is a wholly uninspiring squad to take to Ukraine/Poland next month. Admittedly I’m not an England fan, but as much as I dislike them, I do find them oddly interesting and I’ve been thinking quite a lot about their chances this summer.

When facing the press in the aftermath of the squad announcement, Hodgson explained that he had decided to go with an experienced set of players, and luckily for him the assembled journalists were too polite to ask him exactly what sort of experience he was looking for. Not many members of the squad have ever won anything, and with Wayne Rooney suspended for the first two group games it’s difficult to see where the goals are going to come from.

Of the 23 players picked only nine have won a major league title (Hart, Cole, Johnson, Lescott, Terry, Barry, Lampard, Milner and Rooney), while just two of them have a European Cup winners’ medal at home (Rooney and Gerrard). Hodgson declined to call up either Rio Ferdinand or Michael Carrick – both of whom have won several Premier League titles and played in Manchester United’s 2008 Champions League triumph.

As for goals, it seems as though England’s best hope of hitting the net in the opening two games lies with Jermain Defoe, who has a decent record of 15 in 46 for England and scored 11 in 25 league games for Tottenham last season. However, despite his decent return, Defoe hasn’t been first choice at Spurs since the arrival of Emmanuel Adebayor, and isn’t a player who has ever really made an impact at the highest level.

The other two strikers on the plane will be Danny Welbeck, who has kept Javier Hernandez and Dimitar Berbatov out of the Man United side for much of the season, and Liverpool’s £35m striker Andy Carroll. Welbeck has shown a good understanding with Rooney but is still very raw, while Carroll has scored 6 goals in 42 games for Liverpool and is an absolute carthorse. I’m not expecting either of them to shine next month.

The fact Hodgson has picked nine midfielders and four forwards suggests he is expecting the midfield to chip in with its fair share of goals, so he must be concerned that only Frank Lampard (23) and Steven Gerrard (19) have scored more than five times in an England shirt. John Terry’s six goals make him the fifth highest international scorer in the squad.

I do think Hodgson deserves some credit for managing to find a way around taking Scott Carson. Robert Green and John Ruddy aren’t exactly world-beaters, but Carson is easily the worst goalkeeper to play for England since Richard Wright. How he manages to make a living from professional football is well and truly beyond me.

Micah Richards must be gutted at being left out, especially with Kyle Walker’s injury and Glen Johnson’s inability to defend. Phil Jones has also been a bit suspect in the latter months of the season, but there are always a few who manage to make it on the versatility ticket. I imagine Terry and Joleon Lescott will start at centre half unless Hodgson really rates Gary Cahill or Jones. It’s been a long time since England have gone to a tournament with such a poor selection of defenders.

For a team that is very rarely in a position where it’s looking to close out a game in knock-out competition, England are taking a very conservative set of midfielders. None of Gareth Barry, Stewart Downing, James Milner or Scott Parker are likely to make something happen in the final third, while Lampard and Gerrard are both shadows of the players they once were. Ashley Young is going to have to put in some very big performances.

It’ll be interesting to see how many opportunities Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is given. There’ve been suggestions he may end up spending little time on the pitch, a la Theo Walcott in 2006, but if he’s being picked at Adam Johnson’s expense then the manager must surely intend to play him. Apparently Hodgson decided to select the 18 year old after being impressed with how he handled Andrea Pirlo and Massimo Ambrosini during Arsenal’s Champions League ties against AC Milan. It may interest him to know that Ambrosini didn’t feature in either game and Pirlo plays for Juventus.

So far the pundits and journalists seem to be giving Hodgson the benefit of the doubt, though that could be down to them all feeling sorry for him after The Sun’s front page ridiculing of his speech impediment a few weeks ago. Not much has been made of him claiming that Ferdinand wasn’t selected due to him playing just once for England in 12 months, only to name Gerrard, who has managed just 33 minutes for his country over the last 19 months, as his captain.

As always, the highlight will probably be a load of Buster Bloodvessel lookalikes being blasted with massive hosepipes by foreign police forces.

Swansea City vs. Everton Preview

Everton travel to the Liberty Stadium tomorrow looking to avoid a third straight Premier League defeat when they meet Brendan Rodgers’ stylish Swansea City.

Things haven’t gone quite as expected for David Moyes in the last ten days. His plan to ensure smooth passage to Wembley by not turning up for the derby backfired when his well-rested strongest XI could only manage a home draw with Sunderland, and after the somewhat unfortunate defeat to Arsenal in midweek he is now faced with the prospect of heading into Tuesday’s all-important FA Cup replay with a team bereft of form or confidence.

A win against Swansea would definitely provide a timely boost, but it’ll be no easy task on a ground where they’ve beaten the likes of Chelsea, Arsenal and Manchester City this season. The key to Swansea’s success has been the way their midfield trio of Joe Allen, Leon Britton and Gylfi Sigurdsson have retained possession and dictated the tempo of games, and Moyes will have to decide whether he’s going to try and match or bypass them.

Unlike the vast majority of newly promoted teams, Swansea haven’t panicked when results have been hard to come by, which has helped give them the air of an established Premier League team – something which shows in their play. They’re positive without being reckless, and while they’re far from a free-scoring side they do have midfielders in Sigurdsson and Scott Sinclair who are chipping in with goals to ease the burden on striker Danny Graham. It also helps that they have an excellent goalkeeper in Michel Vorm.

Only Manchester City have conceded fewer goals at home than Swansea, who have lost just two league games at the Liberty since being promoted (putting them on a par with Manchester United, Tottenham, Arsenal and Newcastle), but the fact remains that they gave arguably the worst showing of any of the season’s visiting sides at Goodison back in December, when a Leon Osman goal secured a comfortable 1-0 win.

With Jack Rodwell, Darron Gibson and Seamus Coleman all unlikely to play it seems as though Everton’s best strategy is to break down the flanks with Leighton Baines/Steven Pienaar and Royston Drenthe. That’s if Moyes sticks with the mercurial Drenthe, whose unwillingness to track back remains a major issue to the manager, especially away from home.

It’ll be interesting to see what sort of team Moyes picks for this one with the cup replay just three days after. He’s heaped a lot of pressure on himself and the players already by sending out a weakened team in the derby before the first Sunderland game, so whether or not he’ll risk essentially throwing away another three points in exchange for fresher legs on Tuesday is the big question.

I don’t think Moyes will disrupt the back four again after Jagielka’s horrendous showing at Anfield, but I imagine Phil Neville will be deployed in centre midfield, where he could perhaps distract Allen, Britton and Sigurdsson with his Hulk Hogan finger points and high-pitched screams. I also expect to see Victor Anichebe lumbering along the right wing and Denis Stracqualursi up front.

I reckon the starting XI will look something like this:

Howard; Hibbert, Heitinga, Distin, Baines; Anichebe, Fellaini, Neville, Pienaar, Osman; Stracqualursi

Everton 0 Arsenal 1

Thomas Vermaelen’s 8^th minute header was enough to secure all three points for Arsenal on a night when Everton really could have done with regaining some momentum.

Arsene Wenger sent his team out to attack from the off, and in the opening twenty minutes Everton were totally overran as the visitors created a handful of excellent goal scoring opportunities. The best of the early chances fell to Aaron Ramsey, who blazed over after Robin van Persie’s knockdown left him with Tim Howard’s goal at his mercy.

Minutes later Ramsey was in again thanks to good work from Theo Walcott, but this time his shot was deflected over the bar. The resulting corner saw Vermaelen inexplicably beat four defending players to the ball and head Arsenal into a well-deserved lead, and the advantage was almost doubled soon after when Howard was forced into a smart save by van Persie and Tony Hibbert blocked Ramsey’s effort from the rebound.

Everton finally started to get a foothold in the game after David Moyes switched Tim Cahill and Marouane Fellaini, who was struggling to get into the game, and a half-chance for Leon Osman was followed by a wrongly disallowed goal for Royston Drenthe. Leon Osman intercepted a poor clearance from Wojciech Szczesny and fed Nikica Jelavic, and an exchange between the Croatian and Tim Cahill led to Drenthe getting one on one and slotting the ball passed Szczesny.

It was the first of many baffling offside calls that went against Everton – Moyes claimed there had been five incorrect decisions in his post-match interview – and there’s no telling how things may have turned out had Drenthe’s goal stood.

Despite being lucky to still be in the game after 20 minutes, Everton began the second half looking capable of getting something out of it. There was more effort made to get up and support Jelavic (who made a tit of himself by falling flat on his face while trying to barge Vermaelen over), and though they lacked the quality to create any real gilt-edged chances, it was still encouraging to see the Blues pushing forward.

Arsenal continued to look dangerous themselves, and again tried having someone pull out onto Hibbert and nod down one of Alex Song’s floated passes; this time it was Kieran Gibbs setting up van Persie, who shockingly enough struck the post. Leighton Baines then flashed a superb ball across the Arsenal goal and the excellent Tomas Rosicky felt he should have had a penalty when Drenthe bundled into him at the other end. It was all rather exciting.

Drenthe fired over from the edge of the box just before he and Osman were hooked in exchange for Magaye Gueye and Victor Anichebe (a truly worthless pair), and the Gunners again went close to making it 2-0 when van Persie fell on his arse while trying to convert Gervinho’s cut-back.

Cahill was replaced by Denis Stracqualursi with ten minutes to go as Moyes pushed for an equaliser, but for all the Argentinian’s hard work and enthusiasm he still looks like Carlos Tevez would if the aliens from Space Jam stole his talent.

Moyes can be happy that his side matched Arsenal for 70 minutes or so, but it must also worry him that only Wigan have scored fewer goals in the Premier League this season. Even though Jelavic looks like he could be the answer up front there’s still the question of how chances are going to be created for him, especially with there being no guarantees that either Drenthe or Steven Pienaar will be here next season.

Everton are crying out for a central playmaker to provide craft and guilse the final third, and Moyes needs to do anything he can to get one in the summer – even if it means sacrificing someone like Jack Rodwell or Phil Jagielka. The team as it is will get by OK, but if Moyes wants to get back into Europe he needs a better footballer than Cahill supporting Jelavic.

Next up is Swansea away, where a win could potentially lift Everton above their opponents into 8^th and, perhaps more importantly, provide a timely boost going into the replay at Sunderland.

Everton vs. Arsenal Preview

After a crazy week which saw David Moyes pretty much throw the Anfield derby before watching his team struggle to breakdown a stubborn Sunderland side, Everton will be looking to restore the positive atmosphere created by wins over Man City, Chelsea and Tottenham when they host Arsenal tonight.

The Gunners are enjoying arguably their best form of the season so far, having recorded four consecutive league wins, as well as somewhat atoning for their sorry showing in the first leg of their Champions League tie against Milan by almost levelling the aggregate score at the Emirates. Still, they’ve lost as many as they’ve won on the road and remain a very beatable team.

The biggest threat to Everton’s chances is obviously striker Robin van Persie, who has scored and incredible 26 goals in 26 league games so far in this campaign. The Dutchman appears to have passed on his customary season-ruining injury and has only gone and proven himself as one of the world’s best forwards. Hopefully John Heitinga, who should retain his place at centre back for the foreseeable future after the derby debacle, will be able to keep his international teammate quiet.

While van Persie is far and away Arsenal’s best player, there are still others for the Blues to be concerned with. Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is a massive talent, Aaron Ramsey, Mikel Arteta and the resurgent Tomas Rosicky move the ball around well in midfield, and Alex Song is as good a centre midfielder as any around at the moment. Arteta will probably get a great reception on his first appearance at Goodison since his £10m summer transfer (and rightfully so), but expect the mood to change after he  plays dead to get Marouane Fellaini a booking.

Arsene Wenger will likely name a first choice back five which has yet to lose a game when played together, so it’s important that Everton don’t leave Nikica Jelavic isolated up front - van Persie’s form means it’ll probably take two or more goals to win this one.

Jack Rodwell, Seamus Coleman and Darron Gibson are all expected to miss the game through injury, so I imagine Phil Neville will shift into midfield to partner Fellaini, with either Leon Osman or Tim Cahill supporting Jelavic in attack. Moyes will also have to make a decision on who will replace Coleman on the right of midfield; though Royston Drenthe is the obvious choice I wouldn’t be surprised to see Osman moved out wide instead.

I hope Drenthe does play as Everton are unlikely to dominate possession and will need to make the most of opportunities to counter-attack. Wenger has handed Moyes some of his most depressing defeats as Everton manager but the players have shown they can beat any English team at home and should believe they can collect three points that could move them into eighth.

Likely starting XI: Howard; Hibbert, Heitinga, Distin, Baines; Osman, Fellaini, Neville, Pienaar, Cahill; Jelavic

Everton 2 Chelsea 0

Everton’s annual second half of the season resurgence continued with a 2-0 win over possibly the worst Chelsea team of the Roman Abramovich era.

With John Terry over-tipping black waiters in some distant holiday resort, crazy Andre Villas-Boas picked the even crazier David Luiz and short-shorts wearing Branislav Ivanovic at centre half - both of whom were terrorised relentlessly by the manic Denis Stracqualursi. The Argentinian bulldozer may not have much going for him in terms of natural ability, but his phenomenal work rate is making him a nightmare for opposition defenders.

Steven Pienaar marked his return to Goodison with a goal after just five minutes when he controlled Tim Cahill’s knock on his chest and guided the ball past RoboGoalie. The South African was absolutely outstanding for the 74 minutes he was on the pitch, and it’s easy to see why David Moyes and the other players were so keen for him to come back on loan after a disappointing spell at Tottenham.

Even though Chelsea were on top for most of the first half their attempts at goal were limited to efforts from outside the box by Daniel Sturridge and Frank Lampard. Sturridge linked up well with Juan Mata, but Everton’s defence, led by the fantastic John Heitinga, dealt with the threat of those two and Torres quite comfortably.

Chelsea started well in the second half but failed to carve out any clear-cut chances, and on 71 minutes Stracqualursi sealed the points. Phil Neville went right through Ashley Cole on the halfway line, sending the ball into the path of Landon Donovan. David Luiz went rogue again, allowing he of the rapidly receding hairline to slip in Stracqualursi, who side-footed a firly tame effort towards the near post just as Petr Cech malfunctioned. Is right, Denis.

Everton dominated from the moment the advantage was doubled, as a demoralised Chelsea team visibly gave up. Aside from a late chance for substitute Romelu Lukaku, which was bravely smothered by Tim Howard, Chelsea did little to threaten Everton’s lead. The remainder of the game was filled with sulking from Torres and Royston Drenthe’s poor decisions. Villas-Boas is almost certainly close to losing a job he clearly wasn’t ready for.

The win moves Everton up to tenth, just six points behind Liverpool, so hopefully the rest of the season will be spent chasing an unlikely Europe place rather than looking over our shoulders. If Stracqualuris carries on with these Ultimate Warrior-style performances, Nikica Jelavic will be left spending his first few months at the club playing Fifa Street with Drenthe at halftime and buying weed from Jose Baxter.

Good work, Moyes. Just don’t balls it up against Blackpool next week.

Fear and Loathing in Walton (or: Everton vs. Wolves Preview)

Revolution is in the air.

Mubarak ousted. Gaddafi killed. Wall Street occupied. Kenwright..?

The Blue Union will hold its second demonstration against the financial mismanagement of Everton Football Club tomorrow at 2pm, beginning at the field on Spellow Lane and presumably culminating with a march to the Directors’ entrance at Goodison Park. Given yesterday’s debacle involving emails allegedly leaked from the account of Ian Ross (Everton’s Head of Communications), it seems likely that what this event will lack in clown costumes and John Heitinga cakes, it will make up for with the number of disgruntled Evertonians in attendance.

Considering the laundry list of failures and farces that has been compiled under the present board, you’d have to say that their PR department have done a remarkable job in keeping the fanbase generally happy over the last decade. Obviously they owe a lot thanks to David Moyes for achieving league positions that rarely make sense, the two Manchester clubs for paying massive sums of money for Wayne Rooney and Joleon Lescott, and to the fans themselves – the majority of whom have remained apathetic towards the off-field running of the club while the team has been doing well.

Sadly for Kenwright and Friends, you can’t fool all of the people all the time, which is why it should come as no surprise to them that the jig is finally up. The money for Kings Dock isn’t ring-fenced, the Fortress Sports Fund didn’t go into the bank on Monday, and Destination Kirkby wasn’t ‘world-class’, ‘effectively free’ or even legal. Now that the team is going backwards and the banks are refusing to accept Dave Hickson anecdotes as legal tender, something has to give.

Kenwright has been in a hole since Kirkby collapsed, and while his determination to just keep digging no matter what is almost admirable, his journey to the centre of the Earth must surely be coming to an end after the release of these emails. The club has done a good job of presenting a united front up to now, with Moyes, along with past and present players, routinely backing up CEO Robert Elstone’s claims that Everton remain ‘fiercely ambitious’, but all of that looks like a load of bollocks when senior staff members are allegedly describing the club as being in ‘financial meltdown’ in between drawing up plans to divide the supporters through manipulation of the media.

Though there’s definitely a funny side to a lot of was written in those emails – the idea of a man who seems to spend much of his day posting snide remarks on fan forums questioning the productivity of the CEO was particularly amusing – there were also parts that are at best worrying, and at worst scary.

Rumours of the board’s asking price being a sticking point with potential buyers would become ever more believable if the comment about it costing ‘upwards of £25m’ to acquire a 25% stake in the club turns out to be true, while the insistence that the Blue Union’s message is nothing more than ill-informed scaremongering will become a lot harder to swallow if the club are found to be dictating the Echo’s coverage of what is becoming a nasty, bitter episode. Such paranoid behaviour, along with in-fighting amongst prominent employees, certainly creates the image that these are people cracking under the pressure of having something to hide.

'Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room!'

Still, there was some good news in the form of Marouane Fellaini signing a new contract, even if the timing of the announcement was a bit suspicious. Fellaini has developed into one of the better central midfielders in the Premier League over the last two years, and at 23 years old is only going to improve further. Between him, Jack Rodwell and Ross Barkley Everton have the makings of a very, very good midfield.

There’s also a game tomorrow, in case anyone had forgotten. Everton are playing Wolves at home, which is never much fun, but after turning them over at Molineux last time the two sides met it should be a game that Moyes and his players more than fancy themselves in.

John Heitinga, who is rumoured to be taking his Gravesen 2.0 act to Roma in January, will probably drop out in favour of Sylvain Distin with Fellaini coming straight back into midfield. God knows what, if anything, will happen up front.

Wolves will be strong and direct, with the horrible Karl Henry looking to win plaudits from knobheads like Martin Keown and Lee Dixon by going through the back of Fellaini about fifteen times before the referee finally books him for shame’s sake.

Everton are currently 17th, and while it’s not quite time to panic, they don’t want to find themselves down that end of the table much longer. A win over Wolves, who sit 13th, would push Everton two points above them and hopefully represent the start of a much-needed run of positive results.

Newcastle United 2 - 1 Everton

You could write these match reports before the games even kick off.

David Moyes made two changes to the team that was beaten 1-0 by Manchester United a week ago, with Phil Neville and Royston Drenthe replacing the suspended Marouane Fellaini and seemingly despised Diniyar Bilyaletdinov. John Heitinga and Phil Jagielka carried on in the centre of defence, which came as a surprise seeing as though Sylvain Distin had recovered from the injury that kept him out against United.

Everton started brightly and created the game’s first real chance; Ryan Taylor misjudged Louis Saha’s flick, allowing Seamus Coleman a chance to shoot on the half-volley, but the Irishman blasted high and wide when he really should have done better.

Coleman has been struggling lately. It seems like opposing teams have sussed him out, leaving him looking a bit too limited to cut it as a Premier League-level winger. In fairness to him, he’s a natural full-back and looked brilliant there during his loan spell at Blackpool, so there’s no reason not to think he’ll end up a long-term fixture in defence once Neville replaces Moyes as manager and appoints Tony Hibbert as his assistant.

As is usually the way, Everton were punished for Coleman’s miss when Heitinga turned Danny Simpson’s cross into his own net after 12 minutes. It was hardly a Kolarov-style whip from Simpson, but it’d be harsh to blame Heitinga when Tim Howard, the world’s quietest tourette sufferer, declined to give him any kind of shout.

The Blues responded well to going behind, with Jack Rodwell and Leon Osman drawing saves from Tim Krul, who is pretty good despite looking like the archetypal dodgy flapper, while Saha smashed the ball out of the stadium when through on goal – an effort made doubly frustrating by the fact it was a waste of Jagielka’s first accurate pass of the season.

Once again Everton were made to rue their wastefulness in front of goal, as Ryan Taylor slammed a belter of a half-volley beyond Howard on 29 minutes. Taylor then almost fluked himself a second when he over hit a cross that came back off the bar, and Everton hit the woodwork themselves after Saha reacted quickest to a loose ball and was unlucky to see his first-time shot strike the post.

Moyes was forced to make his first substitution just 41 minutes in when Neville went down under what looked like a fairly light challenge; suggesting he probably shouldn’t have been on the pitch in the first place. Distin was the replacement, and while it was a very negative change to make when 2-0 down, I think it was really more of an admission that Jagielka and Heitinga were struggling to cope with the physicality of Demba Ba and Leon Best.

With Heitinga shifted into midfield things were looking bleak. That was until Drenthe’s corner was met by Rodwell, who powered a superb header past Krul to make it 2-1 just before half-time. The goal sent Everton into the break on a high, and they used the momentum to make a strong start to the second-half.

Tim Cahill, who hasn’t scored in about fifteen years, came on to end the Heitinga midfield nightmare and boost Everton’s push for an equaliser, but the chances dried up after Dan Gosling (remember him?) blocked Saha’s goal-bound strike with his arm. As Gosling was on the floor and didn’t really move it’d be harsh to say he should have been sent off, but it was a stonewall penalty regardless.

Arguably the worst moment of the game arrived on 81 minutes when James McFadden made his first appearance since returning on a free transfer. He was never up to much first time around, so the sight of him emerging from the dugout looking like an extra from Rab C. Nesbitt probably did little to worry Newcastle’s defenders.

McFadden has never had any pace, which might explain Moyes throwing him in despite appearing as though he’s been on the Yak diet, so we could only hope that he had at least matured as a footballer in the three and a half years since the manager decided he wasn’t good enough. Sadly, his attempt to curl one in from an impossible angle when there were numerous blue shirts to aim for confirmed that he still thinks like a nine year old.

This loss drops Everton to 17th after Wolves’ win over Wigan yesterday, and just a point separates them from Bolton in 18th. It’s been a horrible run that has seen Everton earn just three points from six difficult fixtures – and worryingly they were six fixtures that accounted for twelve points last season.

Despite Everton playing fairly well and deserving at least a point, it’s hard to begrudge Newcastle the win or their impressive start to the season. Alan Pardew doesn’t have a particularly big squad to work with and was given only a fraction of the fees received for Andy Carroll, Kevin Nolan and Jose Enrique to find adequate replacements. He also had to deal with his pre-season preparations being disrupted by Joey Barton, who has become even more of a pain in the arse since learning how to read.

The injury which forced Yohan Cabaye off in the first-half on Saturday left Pardew without three of his four first choice midfielders, but instead of dropping his arse and packing the centre of the park with defenders he opted to give two young a lads a go in their natural positions. Obviously there’s no way this Newcastle team will qualify for the Champions League, but their positive approach will ensure they do alright.

Everton’s next six matches include home games against Wolves, Stoke, Norwich and Swansea. These, along with the trip to Bolton, are games that Everton really need to win if they’re to spend the second half of the season thinking about Europe rather than worrying about a possible relegation scrap.

Hopefully there’ll be money to spend on a striker in January, but until then Moyes needs to freshen things up and show a bit more confidence in his players. Drenthe has made a positive impact, but even with him in the side it’s hard to see where goals are going to come from when Saha, who isn’t suited to playing as a lone striker anyway, is supported by a midfield that always contains two holding midfielders (one of which is quite often a natural defender in Neville or Heitinga) and a full-back on the wing.

The defence has never really recovered from Lescott’s departure and is only getting worse (their one clean sheet this season came in a game where the opposition missed two penalties), so It seems like as good a time as any to switch Coleman to right-back. The only way he’s going to develop as a defender is through playing games, and even if he does leave gaps by bombing forward there will be two defensive midfielders waiting to cover.

I sympathise with Moyes, who has watched his team fall apart in front of him over the past two years, but he still has a number of highly paid internationals to choose from, and rarely passes up an opportunity to defend the board in the press. He’s never going to be a gung-ho manager, and that’s fair enough, but his tactics are becoming unnecessarily negative to the point where his team are now incredibly predictable and easy to defend against.

A couple of wins will change everything, but it’s easier said than done.

Newcastle vs. Everton Preview

Everton’s difficult run of fixtures continues on Saturday with a trip to St. James’ Park to face Alan Pardew’s unbeaten Newcastle United.

Newcastle have been sat in the Champions League places a little too long for the pundits’ liking, so there’s been a lot of talk lately about how the wheels will inevitably fall off and their season will amount to nothing. While they’ll almost certainly finish outside the top four, Newcastle have drawn with Arsenal and Tottenham and picked up an impressive away win at Stoke so far in their opening ten Premier League games, so they’re not a team to be taken lightly.

Still, regardless of Newcastle’s form Everton need to start getting points on the board after what’s been an incredibly challenging a run of games. A deserved win at Fulham (I know Bobby Zamora’s miss was ridiculous, but Everton murdered them in the first half) was followed by a home defeat to Manchester United that made it four losses out of five in the league for David Moyes and leaves Everton languishing in 16th.

The performance against United was decent enough in terms of keeping possession and limiting the champions’ chances, but, as is almost always the case, Everton never really looked like scoring.

Louis Saha drops far too deep to be effective as a lone striker, and even when he does play on the shoulder the midfield’s pacifist approach to killer passes does him no favours. If his brilliant goals against Fulham and Chelsea were a reminder of his talent, his efforts against United showed why bringing in a new striker still has to be Moyes’ number one priority.

Another problem is that none of the midfielders look to get beyond Saha when he drops into ‘the hole’ or pulls out wide. I don’t know if it’s because they’re told to hold their positions, lack the energy to get back if the move breaks down, or just can’t be arsed making a run for him when they know he’ll probably try some mad shot anyway. Whatever the reason, Everton need to change things up in attack.

If Tim Cahill is passed fit then he’ll probably play, but I’d sooner see Apostolos Vellios given the job of leading the line and opening up space for Saha and the wide players to attack. Vellios wasn’t great when he started at Fulham but he’s shown he can score and deserves a run in the team, especially since we’ve seen time and time again that Cahill and Saha don’t complement each other at all.

Sylvain Distin will likely come straight back in at centre-half at the expense of John Heitinga if he’s over the injury that kept him out last week. Heitinga’s presence in defence reduces the number of times possession is needlessly conceded by aimlessly punting the ball forward, but he dived in for the penalty against Chelsea in the League Cup and lost Hernandez for United’s goal last week, so he’ll almost certainly be the one to make way. If Distin doesn’t make it then it could be a long afternoon for Heitinga and Phil Jagielka, because one-time Everton target Demba Ba is looking unstoppable for Newcastle at the moment.

Marouane Fellaini’s suspension is a blow, but the return of Royston Drenthe after his own one game ban will hopefully compensate. The Dutchman has his faults, but there’s no denying that his raw pace and willingness to take risks adds an extra dimension to what can often be a painfully predictable Everton attack.

One reason I’m feeling fairly optimistic about Everton’s chances of getting a result is the vastly improved form of Jack Rodwell. The England U-21 international, who is apparently on the verge of a call up to the full squad, has quietly carved out a niche for himself as the anchor in Everton’s midfield and put in a string of stellar performances since receiving plaudits for his man-marking job on David Silva a few weeks ago.

Rodwell will need to have another big game if Everton are to pick up three points at St. James’ for the second successive season, because Yohan Cabaye is capable of dictating games from midfield when teams give him space to play. Controlling the centre of the park will be made easier if the excellent Cheik Tiote fails to recover from a knee injury, but either way Cabaye will need to be watched.

Despite Newcastle’s superb start to the season it’s still hard not to fancy even the most toothless strikeforce against a defence led by Fabricio Coloccini and Steven Taylor. Coloccini loves to dive in like an idiot and Taylor is a clumsy oaf, but exposing them will require getting players into their penalty area, and that’s something Everton struggle to do even at Goodison.

I’d like to see Moyes resist the temptation to replace Fellaini with Phil Neville and instead move Leon Osman inside to partner Rodwell. I can’t see it though.

Probable team: (4-5-1) Howard; Hibbert, Jagielka, Distin, Baines; Coleman, Rodwell, Neville, Drenthe, Osman; Saha