Everton 2 Chelsea 0

Everton’s annual second half of the season resurgence continued with a 2-0 win over possibly the worst Chelsea team of the Roman Abramovich era.

With John Terry over-tipping black waiters in some distant holiday resort, crazy Andre Villas-Boas picked the even crazier David Luiz and short-shorts wearing Branislav Ivanovic at centre half - both of whom were terrorised relentlessly by the manic Denis Stracqualursi. The Argentinian bulldozer may not have much going for him in terms of natural ability, but his phenomenal work rate is making him a nightmare for opposition defenders.

Steven Pienaar marked his return to Goodison with a goal after just five minutes when he controlled Tim Cahill’s knock on his chest and guided the ball past RoboGoalie. The South African was absolutely outstanding for the 74 minutes he was on the pitch, and it’s easy to see why David Moyes and the other players were so keen for him to come back on loan after a disappointing spell at Tottenham.

Even though Chelsea were on top for most of the first half their attempts at goal were limited to efforts from outside the box by Daniel Sturridge and Frank Lampard. Sturridge linked up well with Juan Mata, but Everton’s defence, led by the fantastic John Heitinga, dealt with the threat of those two and Torres quite comfortably.

Chelsea started well in the second half but failed to carve out any clear-cut chances, and on 71 minutes Stracqualursi sealed the points. Phil Neville went right through Ashley Cole on the halfway line, sending the ball into the path of Landon Donovan. David Luiz went rogue again, allowing he of the rapidly receding hairline to slip in Stracqualursi, who side-footed a firly tame effort towards the near post just as Petr Cech malfunctioned. Is right, Denis.

Everton dominated from the moment the advantage was doubled, as a demoralised Chelsea team visibly gave up. Aside from a late chance for substitute Romelu Lukaku, which was bravely smothered by Tim Howard, Chelsea did little to threaten Everton’s lead. The remainder of the game was filled with sulking from Torres and Royston Drenthe’s poor decisions. Villas-Boas is almost certainly close to losing a job he clearly wasn’t ready for.

The win moves Everton up to tenth, just six points behind Liverpool, so hopefully the rest of the season will be spent chasing an unlikely Europe place rather than looking over our shoulders. If Stracqualuris carries on with these Ultimate Warrior-style performances, Nikica Jelavic will be left spending his first few months at the club playing Fifa Street with Drenthe at halftime and buying weed from Jose Baxter.

Good work, Moyes. Just don’t balls it up against Blackpool next week.