Manchester City 3 Everton 1

‘Reverse Engineering would be a good match report title,’ I thought, as Romelu Lukaku beat Joe Hart to send Everton into an early lead which Manuel ‘The Engineer’ Pellegrini surely wouldn’t have planned for. Sadly though, before I’d so much as considered how I’d explain the joke without labouring and ruining it, the home team had equalised through one-time Everton phony bid subject Alvaro Negredo.

To the Blues’ credit, they took the disappointment of conceding barely a minute after scoring in their stride, and spent the rest of the first half trading chances with their wealthy hosts in a manner we weren’t really used to seeing from a team which would often look to keep things as tight as possible away from home under the previous manager.

Lukaku had a legitimate penalty appeal turned down by ‘referee’ John Moss after being shoved to the ground, while at the other end Sergio Aguero fluffed his lines on two occasions when faced with the intimidating sight of Tim Howard and his new Al Qaeda beard. The Argentine did, however, find the courage to beat Guantanamo’s no.1 on the stroke of half time, as he received David Silva’s through ball on the turn, put a yard between himself and Sylvain Distin and found the inside of the far post to make it 2-1.

Despite the setback there was still a feeling that Everton remained very much in the game and could quite conceivably find an equaliser of their own after the restart, but as was the case against Newcastle last Monday, Roberto Martinez’s team appeared incapable of finding a second wind and pushing the pace again following a strong opening stanza.

Recognising that his side had lost its ability to threaten on the counter, Martinez replaced the ineffective Kevin Mirallas and tiring Leon Osman with Gerard Deulofeu and the almost-mythical Darron Gibson, but the game was over as a contest before either substitute had a chance to make an impact.

Barely five minutes after the changes were made Seamus Coleman sent Pablo Zabaleta tumbling with football’s equivalent of the ‘ghost punch’ which Muhammad Ali hit Sonny Liston with. Moss reacted exactly how you’d expect after listening to Neil Warnock’s withering half time comments from the Starship BT Sport, and Aguero’s penalty found its way into the net via Howard’s hand, post and head.

That was pretty much it for the Super Blues, as for all their outstanding talent, Lukaku and Ross Barkley are still just 20 and 19 respectively, and are simply not able to go full pelt in the Premier League without running out of steam after an hour or so. That showed once again at the Etihad, as the ball gradually stopped sticking up front and the defence found themselves under more and more pressure in the closing stages.

Everton clearly missed the ineligible Gareth Barry, who might have been able to do something about his former teammates carving through midfield with relative ease as the game wore on, but even if everyone’s favourite loanee had been able to feature it would have still been a tough afternoon against players as good as Silva, Aguero and Yaya Toure.

One particular plus point, though, was the performance of James McCarthy, who brings the sort of energy and enthusiasm that Everton’s midfield has lacked for some time. If the Ireland international can add an eye for a forward pass to his arsenal then the £13m that old Whealan Dealin’ insisted Everton cough up for him won’t seem quite so steep.

Hopefully the international break will give Martinez and his players enough time to come to terms with the fact that their wait for an unbeaten season will go on for at least another year, and they’ll bounce back in spectacular fashion when fat head Steve Bruce turns up with his newly promoted Tigers a week on Saturday.

Everton 3 Newcastle United 2

The world’s most sporadically updated Everton fan blog is back – roused from its slumber by the thrill of living life on the edge with Bobby Brown Shoes, and ready to provide a half-arsed alternative to its more engaging contemporaries.

Everton sauntered into fourth place last night after three first-half goals proved enough to secure maximum points against an eventually-resilient Newcastle United.

On-loan striker Romelu Lukaku made one of the more eagerly anticipated Goodison Park debuts in recent memory, and the imposing Belgian certainly didn't disappoint. Having already had one goal disallowed, Jose Mourinho’s latest scourge opened the scoring on five minutes when his shot deflected in off Tim Krul after fantastic work from Kevin Mirallas down the right wing.

Lukaku then turned provider, sliding in Ross Barkley with the sort of subtle pass that many Evertonians had forgotten existed outside of video games. The England youngster took the ball in his stride and clipped it effortlessly beyond the on-rushing Krul before Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa or Fabricio Coloccini could so much as think about stopping him.

The theme of Everton scoring types of goals that they usually concede continued with the third, when Coloccini and Krul decided to take a page out of Johnny Heitinga and Tim Howard’s co-written book on meeting long balls with passive resistance. Howard himself was the architect, sticking two fingers up at Roberto Martinez before unleashing an almighty hoof which Lukaku chased down with actual, un-Nikica Jelavic-like intent. The Newcastle goalkeeper and defenders decided that they really didn't fancy it, and Lukaku was able to dummy past the sliding Coloccini and tap into an empty net.

Alan Pardew, who has quietened down a bit since being relegated from ‘another league’, made two changes at half-time, introducing early Michael Dawson prototype Mike Williamson and the excellent France international Yohan Cabaye. The substitutions paid dividends almost immediately, as Yoan Gouffran’s effort off the post was followed shortly after by a fantastic shot from Cabaye which left Howard with no chance.

Everton panicked a bit at this point and lost the measure of control which has been a hallmark of Martinez’s early tenure. The game started to open up and there were glimpses of the suicide bomber football which Martinez’s Wigan teams became synonymous with, though in fairness the Blues really should have had a fourth when Leon Osman somehow managed to deflect the magnificent Seamus Coleman’s drilled cross away from danger.

There were also chances late on when Gerard Deulofeu, who sometimes looks like the yin to Royston Drenthe’s insane yang, opened up Newcastle with blistering runs down the flanks only to fluff his lines by shooting when the angle was against him and there were teammates arriving in better positions.

The obligatory heart-stopping finish was ensured when, with barely a minute of normal time remaining, Loic Remy latched on to a seemingly harmless knock from Cabaye and contrived to beat Howard after escaping the clutches of the otherwise superb Sylvain Distin. The French goal-grabber had a chance to give Martinez his first taste of a Goodison booing when another opportunity presented itself in the dying moments of ‘Kinnear time’, but the (alleged) sexual predator was unable to live up to his ruthless reputation, sending an overly-enthusiastic effort high above the crossbar.

Overall it was a great game marked by several tremendous individual performances, most notably from Lukaku, Mirallas, Coleman and Barkley – whose weekly disaster pass is thankfully happening further and further up the pitch every week. It wasn't perfect by any means, as the visitors’ two goals suggest, but the first-half performance was as good as any there’s been from an Everton side in a long time.