ROMSHELL!

That’d be a popular headline if the newspapers were remotely arsed about the fact that Romelu Lukaku doesn't seem overly keen on a permanent move to Everton.

Fresh from giving a rather poor account of himself at the World Cup, the big Belgian goal plunderer has gone off on holiday, presumably leaving his agent with instructions to find him the Champions League club of his dreams.

While you could imagine David Moyes sitting forlornly in his office, like Stan waiting for a reply from Eminem, Roberto Martinez remains typically upbeat about the situation, and seems content to just let this one play out. He’s obviously not going to come out say it, but much of his apparent confidence in the deal coming off probably stems from the belief that no club really fits the young striker’s alleged criteria.

As clinical as he is in front of goal, Lukaku still has gaping holes in his game that will preclude him from leading the line in a team which competes regularly for the highest honours. In short, his first touch and general holdup play are shite, and that won’t wash with snides like Jose Mourinho, who incidentally is the manager at Lukaku’s parent club Chelsea.

Other big clubs are said to be interested, most notably Atletico Madrid and Juventus – both champions of their respective leagues – and even Christmas and Easter title winners Liverpool were rumoured to have made an enquiry before snapping up the annoyingly excellent Loic Remy last week.

Wolfsburg has been mooted as another possible destination, mainly because they’re minted now, but despite this nouveau rich status they’re unlikely to trouble the Bayern Munich-Borussia Dortmund duopoly anytime soon. Like Everton, they had a great season but still only finished fifth, so unless Lukaku decides that he may as well earn as much moolah as possible if he has to lower himself to playing in the Europa League, it’s not somewhere I’d expect to see him go in the near future.

There is, of course, also the option of him simply signing a new deal at Chelsea. It would sort of make sense given that they loaned him out so he’d return to them a better player, but with Diego Costa arriving for £32m there’s little chance of him making anything like the number of starts he did at Goodison (and lots of other grounds) last season. To be honest, coming off the bench and rotating with more experienced forwards would probably suit him well at this point, but luckily he seems reluctant to accept a supporting role now that he’s tasted life as a leading man.

Everton face a tough start to the upcoming campaign, travelling to newly promoted Leicester City and then hosting Arsenal and Chelsea in the week before the transfer window closes. With that in mind, it’d be remiss for the club to again wait until the last minute to get their business done, and so we could reach a point where Martinez is forced to drop the nice guy act and tell Lukaku to put up or shut up, pal, as we’re not prepared to write-off nine points just so you’ve got time to see if Costa looks like he could end up being a bit shit.

Oh, and in other young Belgian striker-related news, Everton are said to be closing in on 18 year old David ‘Cardinal’ Henan, about whom little is known but much shall be expected.