'The Match of the Century'
September 11, 1995
Live from downtown Miami, Florida, episode two of Monday Nitro begins with quite the pyro display, as Bischoff informs us that tonight’s show will feature ‘the match of the century’, with Hulk Hogan putting his WCW World Championship on the line against Lex Luger in our main event. Somewhat less exciting is the news that Scott Norton will also be in action, along with the debuting Sabu.
Mongo boards the hype train before it has time to so much as pull into the station, declaring with a slap of the table that this is where ‘the beef’ (?) is, and we get a recap of last week’s show-closing confrontation between champion and challenger. The highlight of this exchange was definitely the part where Hogan told Luger that he didn’t have to wait a week for a title shot, before pencilling him in for exactly a week’s time.
One man feeling particularly unenthused about last Monday’s events is Vader, who, according to Bischoff, has gone AWOL in the wake of Luger’s line-skipping escapades. Having made the cardinal sin of ‘not filing the proper documents’ before taking annual leave, The Mastodon has been removed from Sunday’s Fall Brawl: War Games pay per view main event, leaving Hogan and friends with just six days to find another partner for their battle against muscular dystrophy. For the sake of those suffering children we saw hanging around with Randy Savage last week, one can only hope that a suitable replacement will soon be found.
Match One: Sabu vs. ‘Das Wunderkind’ Alex Wright
Following on from last week’s Brian Pillman/Jushin Liger opener, we’re again treated to a bout between two solid workers to kick things off, as Sabu makes his WCW debut against the German Alex Wright. Heenan tells Mongo that Sabu has been suspended from 17 countries, so knowing how difficult it is to enter the United States with any sort of blemish on your record, it’s something of a miracle that he’s made it here tonight. It’s also worth noting that Wright defeated Diamond Dallas Page 24 hours earlier to earn his spot in this match. I couldn’t really tell you why it’s worth noting – it just is.
Sabu sets a quick pace early, hitting a couple of arm drags before choking Wright on the mat and setting him up for a low springboard elbow. A flying headscissors by Sabu sends both men crashing to the outside, but the Suicidal, Homicidal, Death-defying Maniac gets straight back up and nails his opponent with a baseball slide followed by a somersault senton, leaving them both laid out at ringside again.
With Wright prone against the guardrail, Sabu attempts a flying attack of some sort (it’s difficult to tell which part of his body he intended to use), but the Techno Technician gets out of dodge at the last second, and Sabu instead takes a pretty nasty bump into the railings. Heenan suggests that Sabu has never been happier as he rolls around in a barely-conscious heap, absorbing kicks from a reinvigorated Wunderkind, who picks him up before sticking him down again with a pair of European uppercuts and a nicely executed dropkick.
Showing impressive fire, Wright continues his comeback with a hard scoop slam on the floor before rolling Sabu into the ring and going off the top with a beautiful missile dropkick, which sends him sprawling back to the outside. Wright hits a baseball slide and suicide dive in quick succession, and Heenan remarks that a man like Sabu would use, amongst other things, a person’s wooden leg as a weapon if he had to.
They kind of suddenly begin moving towards the finish, with Wright hitting a lovely snapped superplex, and Sabu barely connecting with a sloppy springboard spin kick. An Irish whip into the corner sees Wright moonsault over Sabu, land on his feet and nail a picture perfect German suplex for two. However, he gets caught trying to go up top again, and after finding himself crotched on the ropes takes a modified Arabian Skullcrusher for the one-two-three.
Winner: Sabu, via pinfall (Arabian Skullcrusher)
Sabu heels it up by kicking Wright out of the ring and dropping him face first onto the apron, before setting up a worryingly robust-looking table and then putting him straight through it with a dive from the top rope. Given the thickness of the wood and proximity of a nearby guardrail, it’s incredible that neither man is seriously hurt, which is perhaps why referee Nick Patrick is moved to reverse the decision and award Wright the victory by DQ. The boys in the production truck then make an odd decision to end the replay package for this match with Wright’s entrance.
Winner: Alex Wright, via Disqualification (ECW shit)
According to a graphic, Sting vs. Michael ‘IRS’ Wall Street is up next, but the first thing we see after an ad break is Mean Gene holding court in the ring. Standing right in front of an ECW sign in the crowd, he introduces the then-eleven time World Heavyweight Champion, ‘The Nature Boy’ Ric Flair. Gene commends Flair for his performance in a South Beach bar the previous night, before confirming that he’ll face his friend and former stablemate Arn Anderson at the upcoming Fall Brawl: War Games.
Flair laments the fact that instead of joining him for evenings of largesse and debauchery, Anderson now spends his free time engaging in more age-appropriate activities in his hotel room, such as speaking to his wife and son on the phone. Flair breaks out the Horsemen fingers and reminisces about better days, but before we can venture too far down memory lane, number one contender (and a former Horseman himself) Lex Luger decides to hit the ring.
Flair lauds Luger as ‘The Total Package’, and begins reeling off his measurements while informing Hogan that his days as champion are numbered. Luger basically no-sells Flair’s promo, telling him he’s ‘too much’, before turning on his heels and heading back to the locker room. Make that two weeks in a row where Luger has shown up in the middle of a segment and appeared to have no idea what he’s supposed to say or do.
The commentary team discusses Sunday’s War Games pay per view, and Heenan confides that despite having warm feelings towards both Flair and Anderson, the recent poor attitude shown by the latter is causing him to root for the former. Mongo is about to chime in with his thoughts on the matter, but Bischoff shows mercy and hands us over to the ring announcer, who is introducing the next match.
Match Two: United States Title: Sting (champion) vs. V.K Wall Street
Not only does Mike Rotunda’s new character embody the spirit of Wall Street, he actually lives there too. Another surprise is that since last week the former tax inspector has dropped the name Michael in favour of ‘V.K’, as in Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Obviously even the most blatant parody of a gimmick which was itself a parody could have WCW wondering if they’re not being just a little bit too subtle, and so the act has been tweaked accordingly.
Sting enters to a decent pop, sporting an Ultimate Warrior-esque face paint design. Bischoff then ups the anti-Vince ante by telling us not to bother switching over to RAW (which was still pre-taped at the time), because it’s already been in the can three weeks and he knows that ‘Shawn Michaels beats the big guy with a super kick’. Any remaining doubts about whose is the superior product are squashed when Mongo points out that the WWF named their show after uncooked eggs.
Wall Street discards the suit and tie he walked out in, revealing a pretty hilarious singlet, complete with Ted Dibiase-style gold dollar signs. Bischoff again brings up Vader’s removal from Sunday’s PPV, only this time claiming it’s a result of him not submitting the necessary paperwork to register as a member of Hogan’s team. Considering there are still six days to go before the event, it seems a little premature to axe someone advertised for the main event over a simple clerical issue; that is unless they’re also taking into account his aforementioned failure to fill out an official annual leave request form before going home.
Wall Street gets the action going with a quick fireman’s carry, as Mongo lets us know that him and his old NFL buddies, including ‘all-time great’ Reggie White, would always watch wrestling instead of American football. Heenan asks if Reggie is any relation to Barry, but it goes over Mongo’s head as Sting unloads with right hands in the corner, leading into a tie-up, a hip toss off the ropes and a pair of drop kicks. Sting whips Wall Street from corner to corner with such force that it sends him rolling to the outside, and the WWF bashing continues on commentary. It’s interesting to note how quiet Heenan gets whenever Bischoff and Mongo decide to start taking shots at his former employer.
Wall Street turns the tide by using Sting’s own momentum to send him hurtling through the ropes, and he lands hard on the arena floor. There’s no repeat of the hardcore shenanigans Sabu got up to, however, as V.K’s no holds barred repertoire begins and ends with bouncing Sting’s head off the apron before rolling back inside and jaw-jacking with the ref.
Sting propels himself over the top but doesn’t really connect with a flying shoulder block, and Wall Street capitalises with a headbutt to the stomach and consecutive elbow drops. We then get a few classic IRS face bumps off the turnbuckle, followed by a Stinger Splash and top rope cross-body for the finish.
Winner: Sting, via pinfall (flying cross-body)
We go to another commercial, after which Bischoff breaks the news that this week’s episode of WCW Saturday Night will mark the debut of The Disco Inferno, in addition to featuring must-see action between shameless Warrior rip-off Renegade and generic bodybuilder Max Muscle, as well as Big Bubba (wearing a trilby hat on his graphic) going one of one with Dave Sullivan, who apparently carries a rabbit to the ring. There is one match worth looking forward to, though, as Brian Pillman will take on Alex Wright.
Match Three: ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage vs. Scott Norton
After almost coming to blows at the announce table last week, Savage and Norton are given the opportunity to settle their not very well-defined differences. Norton is out first, and Mongo nails his colours to the mast straight away by saying he should have taken this guy’s head of last week when he had the chance. Heenan reminds him of his responsibilities as a commentator, and they discuss which position Norton would likely play in an NFL team.
Savage gets a solid pop when a weird remixed version of ‘Pomp and Circumstance’ hits, but Norton, who we’re told is a former arm wrestling champion, cuts him off before he can properly milk the adulation of the crowd. Norton puts Savage down with a short-arm clothesline, before again pointing out Mongo – or ‘McNuggets’, as Heenan calls him – and shouting that he’s next. Mongo continues to talk tough, while Heenan and Bischoff plan their exit strategies for when the trouble starts.
Norton continues to dominate the early going, blocking a sunset flip attempt and then hoisting Savage up into a two-handed choke lift. Just as we hear that Norton benches in excess of 500lbs, Savage rallies with an arm drag and clothesline over the top. Savage goes from the top rope to the floor with a flying axe handle, rolls Norton inside and then lays him flat with another hard clothesline. Savage again goes up top and dives at Norton, but is caught in mid-air and dropped to the mat after a brief bear hug.
The commentators speculate on the injuries those two or three squeezes could have caused Savage – with diagnoses ranging from floating rib to ‘popped heart’ – as the ruler of the Kingdom of the Madness sells big. They seem quite keen on pushing the idea of Norton possessing Herculean strength, with Savage’s potential ailments now thought to be as serious as a busted spleen or broken back. Norton carries on working the lower back, dropping Savage with shots to the kidneys before hitting a Jackknife powerbomb which is good for two.
Not one to miss a chance to bring up his football days, Mongo says he’s played against bruisers like Norton before, and advises Savage to just hang on until the fourth quarter. Norton has no intention of allowing the match go on long enough for Savage’s cardio to become a factor, however, and scoops him up for a series of back breakers, leading into a nearly-botched military slam. Savage is then Irish whipped into a hard powerslam for another two count, and Mongo offers some comfort by suggesting that some players have their best games when they’re unconscious. It’s still not really clear whether or not he knows this isn’t actually an NFL game
Savage shows he’s still in the fight by ducking under a clothesline and hitting the ropes, but he’s caught on the return with a shoulder block which sends him sprawling to the outside. Norton pulls him up onto the apron by his throat, and then proceeds to hit what started off looking like a slingshot suplex, but ended up being a rather dangerous elevated DDT. Bischoff does nothing to allay our fears for Savage’s safety by mentioning how Norton has ‘crippled a lot of people in Japan’, just as the behemoth takes to the top rope. Thankfully, though, Savage shows his ring savvy by sidestepping Norton’s flying lunge and pushing him down face-first into the mat.
We finally get the Savage comeback, as he pushes Norton into the corner with a leaping knee and then whips him to other side, where he fires with jabs and right hands. The whole thing is ruined as quickly as it starts, though, as Earthquake (dressed as a shark) and Kamala run down, only for both to be undone by Savage sending Norton into the ropes as they attempt to lumber in. Earthquake (apparently now known as ‘Avalanche’) somehow manages to be knocked completely unconscious, and finds himself lying on top of Norton’s legs, inadvertently pinning him down long enough for Savage to score with the elbow and steal a win.
Winner: Randy Savage, via pinfall (flying elbow drop)
The rest of the Dungeon hits the ring, but Savage escapes in the nick of time. The Task Master proceeds to run around waving his wizard’s staff, while Brutus ‘Zodiac Man’ Beefcake thrusts his hips at a cameraman and Norton gets in Earthquake’s face. The troops file out before Norton is able to get any meaningful retribution, leaving him with no recourse other than to stand on the bottom rope and shout ‘fuck!’
Match Four: World Heavyweight Title: Hulk Hogan (champion) vs. Lex Luger
Hogan puts his title on the line for the second week in a row, this time against former Narcissist Lex Luger, who Bischoff reminds us was still wresting for the WW (F redacted) just nine days ago. They run another commercial for Sunday’s muscular dystrophy-themed instalment of War Games, and it’s unclear whether Vader’s inclusion on it is a result of him finally getting the necessary paperwork to the front office, or simply an oversight on the part of the producers.
Out comes Hogan, prompting a bit of politically incorrect back and forth, as Mongo declares the Hulkster a ‘real man’, to which Heenan replies by asking if he thinks Luger is ‘a midget’. They begin planting the seeds for what I can only assume will be yet another slapstick run in by the Dungeon, with Heenan wondering if Hogan’s mind isn’t on Sunday’s showdown with Sullivan and the gang. Mongo again draws on his football experience in order to let us know the potential pitfalls of looking beyond your next opponent.
We get underway with Bischoff still listing the possibly life-threatening injuries suffered by Savage in the previous match, and how it could mean Hogan is now down to just the one partner for his match at War Games. They tie up, and Luger pushes Hogan into the corner and slaps him lightly on the chest. The champion returns the favour, only he decides to take the moral high ground and allow a clean break, before demonstrating his seldom-seen catch wrestling skills, in a sequence ending with what has to be the slowest transition from a half-nelson to a front face lock ever recorded.
Hogan uses the position to stand and hit a suplex (which Bischoff calls a snapmare for some reason), but Luger bounces straight back to his feet and meets an unsuspecting Hogan with one of his own bodybuilding poses. After a brief rest period, Hogan telegraphs a back body drop off the ropes and takes a suplex, but it turns out to be nothing more than an opportunity for him to quickly get his heat back, as he takes his turn to immediately pop up and start flexing.
The crowd is hot for Hogan as he assumes control of the match, allowing Bischoff to take another swing at McMahon by pointing out that Luger isn’t used to facing competition of this calibre. Luger is thrown into the corner but manages to avoid being run over by the Ho(gan) Train, and retaliates with a scoop powerslam before getting Hogan up for the always cool-looking Torture Rack submission. Heenan screams for the bell as the champion looks to be fading, when Luger inexplicably decides to drop him without the referee making a call.
After a short argument with the ref, Luger tries for a pin but Hogan kicks out with authority at two, and begins his ‘Hulk up’ routine. Luger unloads with a barrage of kicks and punches that Hogan wouldn’t sell to feed his starving family, and gets a finger in the face, three punches and a big boot for his trouble. Hogan drops the leg but isn’t quick enough to cover before word gets backstage to send in the clowns, and so Beefcake arrives on cue to force a disqualification, with Task Master Sullivan and the rest of the goons in tow.
Drama now, as Savage rises from his deathbed to help Sting make the save, causing a mass brawl which culminates in Kamala being thrown over the top with such a lack of grace and athleticism that he ends up bundling through the middle ropes head first, with his legs and feet eventually following some time later. The faces stand tall momentarily, until Hogan ruins it by shoving Luger and accusing him of being in cahoots with Sullivan as we go to the final ad break.
Just like last week, the closing segment sees Mean Gene attempt to bring some much-needed diplomacy to an escalating situation, as Hogan demands to know why the Dungeon didn’t lay a hand on Luger during the latest fracas – a question which Savage says goes double for him. Sting intervenes on his friend’s behalf, and puts him forward as the ideal replacement for Vader on Sunday, but this serves only to send Savage spiralling further into a paranoid frenzy, and he’s now accusing Sting, as well as Hogan’s manager Jimmy Hart, of colluding with Sullivan.
Suddenly Hogan stirs, having finally figured out what Sting is suggesting, and in a moment of pure symbolism is given the final say on whether or not Luger makes the team – essentially booking the main event. For his part, Luger still hasn’t given any indication that he actually wants to join this ragtag band of heroes, but with Sting’s encouragement he accepts Hogan’s eventual offer, on the proviso that he’ll receive another title shot somewhere down the line.
We go off air with Heenan naming Savage as the only trustworthy member of Hogan’s team, and the promise of an appearance by The Nasty Boys next week.
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