Match Report: Newcastle 1 Everton 2

Everton recorded their fourth away win of the season last night, coming back from a goal behind to claim three well-deserved points against Newcastle United at St James’ Park.

Marouane Fellaini returned from his Christmas holidays to partner Nikica Jelavic in attack, while Phil Neville recovered from the knock that kept him out of the defeat to Chelsea in time to replace Thomas Hitzlsperger in midfield. Injuries to Seamus Coleman and Tony Hibbert meant that Phil Jagielka again covered at right-back.

The game couldn’t have gotten off to a worse start, as a lack of communication between John Heitinga and Sylvain Distin, who have known each other for a while now, led to Papiss Cisse getting in behind the Everton defence and looping a header over a stranded Tim Howard after just two minutes.

David Moyes’ side regrouped and dominated possession throughout what was an open, entertaining first half, but were lucky not to fall further behind when James Perch rose above Heitinga to head against the post from a Vurnon Anita free kick. With the transfer window once again open, I don’t think anyone would be surprised (or arsed) if this turned out to be Heitinga’s last game in a blue shirt.

Steven Pienaar should have equalised when the phenomenal Leighton Baines sent him through one on one against Tim Krul, but the South African instead fired a tame effort straight at the onrushing goalkeeper. More good work down the left from Pienaar saw Fellaini presented with a chance to pull one back, but he too was wasteful.

With half time looming it looked as though Newcastle would make it to the break with their lead intact. That was until Fellaini won an admittedly soft free kick from Cheick Tiote, which Baines, swinging his left boot like the Hammer of Thor, blasted into the top corner. He’s just the best.

Newcastle almost started the second half as well as they did the first, when Fellaini’s lazy flick was picked up by Anita, who chipped a ball over the top which Shola Ameobi brought down well before shooting wide of Howard’s left post.

As part of the original crop of English players that keep getting contracts on the back of their ‘potential’, until one day someone realises they’re thirty years old and have about fourteen goals to their name, Ameobi is a great example of how quickly a career in football can pass by without anything notable happening. Seeing this from his seat on the bench, Victor Anichebe entered the fray on the hour mark and made an immediate impact.

A great move down the left saw Baines pick out Jelavic, who combined with Pienaar and Fellaini before setting off down the wing, wrong-footing Fabricio Coloccini and crossing low for Anichebe to finish less than 90 seconds after he was sent on to replace Steven Naismith. It was arguably Everton’s best team goal of the season so far.

The remaining half-hour saw chances for both teams, with Newcastle’s best opportunity coming when Cisse was thwarted twice in quick succession – first by Heitinga and then Howard – while the Blues continued to look dangerous on the counter-attack.

If Everton are serious about challenging for a Champions League spot then they’re going to have pick up a few wins on the road where most would settle for a point, and on this evidence it’s something they’re capable of doing. Obviously it’ll be difficult, not least because the team directly above have just gone out and bought Demba Ba, but with his side entering the new year in fifth place, Moyes must be starting to believe it’s possible, if improbable.

Preview: Everton vs. Liverpool

King Brenny and the hordes of Mordor are marching towards Goodison Park to contest the 219^th Merseyside derby, so I can only hope that David Moyes and his hard luck heroes are prepared for whatever disaster is likely to ensue.

Everton go into Sunday’s lunch time clash sitting fourth in the Premier League, six points ahead of their opponents, but after two away fixtures that turned out to be a lot more difficult than they needed to be, confidence isn’t quite as high as it was a month ago. That being said, Everton remain unbeaten in their last five outings, and have suffered just one defeat so far this term.

Liverpool are starting to find a bit of form themselves, having won two of their last three in the league, and they looked fairly solid again on Thursday night when recording a 1-0 win over an expensively assembled Anzhi Makhachkala team in the Europa League. To be honest though, even if Liverpool were bottom of the league with a goal difference of -40, the fact that David Moyes’ record against them is absolutely shite would still make an Everton victory anything but a forgone conclusion.

Last season represented Moyes’ nadir in terms of derby performances, as Everton followed an unfortunate 2-0 home defeat (where Jack Rodwell was sent off courtesy of a phenomenal piece of play-acting by Luis Suarez) with a disgraceful 3-0 hammering at Anfield and a pathetic surrender at Wembley. I don’t want to tempt to fate, but you’d have to believe that it couldn’t possibly be as bad this time around.

News that Marouane Fellaini is likely to return from injury has provided concerned Blues with a massive boost, not least because Steven Pienaar is due to serve a one-match suspension for startling Jose Bosingwa during the draw at QPR, though whether or not Darron Gibson and Tony Hibbert will be ready in time remains a mystery.

Gibson in particular has been missed in recent weeks. Cynics may suggest that his Bill Goldberg-style Premier League winning streak is bound to come to an end in a game against Liverpool, but getting him back in ahead of Phil ‘traffic cone’ Neville would greatly improve Everton’s chances of recording a first derby win in what feels like a very long time. Liverpool may not be as strong in centre midfield as they were in the days before Rafael Benitez turned into the Mad King from Game of Thrones, but it’s still the area in which they’re strongest.

Steven Gerrard will party like it’s 2005, as he always does against Everton, while Jonjo Shelvey and Nuri Sahin are both tidy footballers with better engines than Neville and Leon Osman. Hopefully Brendan Rodgers will opt for Joe Allen rather than one of Shelvey or Sahin, but even if he does, it’ll be tough for Neville and Osman to compete judging by their poor showing at Loftus Road.

As has often been the case in derbies since Everton escaped the post-Kendall decade of despair, it seems as though belief is going to be key. The good will that was re-built between the opposing sets of fans in the wake of the Hillsborough revelations should keep things fairly cordial off the pitch, but that’s unlikely to stop Everton dropping their arses on it. Liverpool are still a good side, but they’re not even close to what they were three years ago, and, on paper at least, Everton don’t have a great deal to fear if they can keep their nerve.

Suarez will need to be watched closely – for all his faults he’s very, very good – and they have a very exciting talent in Raheem Sterling, but if Everton can cut out the individual errors that so often mark these occasions there’s no reason they can’t keep Liverpool on the back foot.

If Moyes decides to return my calls, this is the XI I’ll be telling him to go with: Howard; Hibbert, Jagielka, Heitinga, Baines; Gibson, Osman, Fellaini, Mirallas, Naismith; Jelavic

Preview: Leeds United vs. Everton

David Moyes’ ruthless victory machine rolls into Elland Road tonight for a Capital One Cup third round tie against Leeds United.

Leeds, now managed by Neil Warnock and his ill-fitting tracksuit bottoms, sit eleventh in the Championship after seven games, and will be in high spirits following a 2-1 win over previously undefeated Nottingham Forest last Saturday.

The biggest threat to Everton’s chances of getting their name in the hat for the next round comes in the shape of in-form striker Luciano Becchio – who doesn’t look even remotely South American – making this a decent test for Shane Duffy if Moyes decides to give the young Irishman a chance at centre half.

Along with perennially over-weight goalkeeper Paddy Kenny and his former Sheffield United teammate Michael Tongue, Evertonians will also recognise paragon of evil El Hadji Diouf, of hilarious £9m transfer to Liverpool fame, lining up for a Leeds side that has only made it past the third round of this competition once in the last decade. Diouf is 31 now, so this could be your last opportunity to hurl abuse at and be spat on by one of the great pantomime villains of the 00s.

Moyes has never really been the type to rest players for cup fixtures, but with Everton looking capable of at least challenging for a Champions League spot for the first time in several years he may decide to change things round a bit more than usual. It helps that there are now more than a few good/promising players waiting for their chance to impress the manager, so I wouldn’t be surprised to see six or seven changes to the team that performed fantastically throughout long periods of Saturday’s 3-0 win at Swansea.

Summer signings Steven Naismith and Brian Oviedo will likely be given starts, and League Cup stalwarts Jan Mucha, Seamus Coleman and Magaye Gueye will all be in contention. Nikica Jelavic is available again after overcoming the injury sustained when he collided with a goalpost against Newcastle, but I imagine Victor Anichebe will be rewarded for his goals in back to back games by keeping his place in the starting XI.

Obviously Everton need to show Leeds enough respect to avoid providing them with an opportunity for an upset, but they should also look at this as another chance to show they’ve developed into a team to be feared. If the Blues get at them early, and silence the rowdy Yorkshire bumpkins that’ll doubtless be right up for it, a third away win of the season is well within their grasp.

Possible XI: Mucha; Coleman, Duffy, Distin, Oviedo; Osman, Neville, Mirallas, Naismith, Gueye; Anichebe.

A Quick Review of England's Euro 2012 Performance

They came, they played like an alehouse team, they got knocked out in the quarter-finals.

Roy Hodgson’s maiden voyage on the good ship England was only ever going to be one of two things: a chance to begin phasing out the remaining veterans of the failed ‘Golden Generation’, or a spirited but ultimately sad attempt at emulating Greece’s unlikely triumph at Euro 2004. Unsurprisingly it ended up being the latter.

Joleon Lescott, Danny Welbeck and Scott Parker were all given opportunities to prove themselves worthy of becoming England regulars thanks to injuries, suspension and racism. However, with Hodgson already talking about how the returns of Frank Lampard and Gareth Barry will improve the team, as well as singling out Steven Gerrard, John Terry and Ashley Cole for special praise, it seems likely the old gang will be back together once the World Cup qualifiers come around.

Despite the general consensus that he did well to win Group D after having just six weeks to work with his new players, Hodgson may end up looking at Euro 2012 as a wasted opportunity. Never again will he go into a major tournament with the English media looking to dampen public expectation, making it the ideal time to take a risk on players that are untried at international level. Instead he kept faith with a core of players that have shown time and time again what their limitations are as a group.

England weren’t the worst performers of the major nations that qualified, but while Holland and France have gone home in shame, with heads already starting to roll, Hodgson and his players have been spared any real criticism for setting up like a League One side visiting Old Trafford when they faced Italy on Sunday.

Averaging 39% possession and managing less than 20 shots on target in four games is pretty poor considering England boasted the highest earning set of players at the tournament, and the less said about the fact they completed just 15 passes in 15 minutes during the second half of extra-time the better. Both Hodgson and Gerrard acknowledged that ball retention is the key area in which improvement is needed, but managers, players and FA officials have been saying the exact same thing since Phil Neville sent England crashing out of Euro 2000.

Hodgson will be able to select technically gifted central midfielders such as Jack Wilshire, Tom Cleverly and Tom Huddlestone in the run up to the World Cup, but it remains to be seen whether he will be ruthless enough to call time on the likes of Barry, Lampard and Parker over the next two years. It’s already been confirmed that Gerrard will carry on as captain, which is fine as long as he isn’t picked in a deep-lying midfield role – he showed the discipline to hold his position and work hard for the team, but he had virtually no impact going forward against Italy and was cramping up after 70 minutes.

The worst thing about the way England set up was that not only were they never going to dominate possession, but they also lacked the ability to counter attack. Ashley Young was decent when played behind the forward against France, and he deserved a second chance against Ukraine after an underwhelming showing in the Sweden game. Why he started the Italy match, though, is anyone’s guess.

Of the 29 crosses put in by Young and James Milner over the four games, just three found a white shirt, which is terrible by any standard. Milner was apparently picked to babysit Glen Johnson, who actually defended well most of the time, but it was quite obvious by the conclusion of the group stage that he wasn’t worth his place – the fact he was brought off for playing shite during every game being the clearest indication.

Even though Adam Johnson was inexplicably left out of the squad, Hodgson did have out and out wingers in Theo Walcott, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Stewart Downing (stop laughing at the back!), who could have at least provided outlets and given opposition full backs something to think about. If a manager knows his team isn’t going to dictate the tempo but he doesn’t want to play on the break through wingers then his only option is to launch the ball at a target man, but given that Carroll spent most of his time on the bench that couldn't have been the plan either.

Going off their final two matches, it seems as though England’s tactic was to keep things tight and hope Wayne Rooney, who warmed up for the tournament with a trip to Las Vegas, would produce something special, and therein lies the problem; England have relied on individual moments of brilliance for too long. It used to be Beckham’s free-kicks, which in fairness were quite reliable, and now it’s Rooney’s goals.

Rooney’s still a great player, but after eight years without a decent performance at a Euro Championship or World Cup it could be time for England to give themselves other options. Moving to Manchester United has swelled his trophy cabinet and bank balance, but Rooney has had to sacrifice his own game for the benefit of the team under Ferguson, and he no longer has the explosiveness required to destroy teams on his own like he did as a teenager.

Hodgson is a good manager and likeable man, and he deserves credit for uniting the dressing room and getting them to show real grit and determination. Still, I won’t be surprised if it’s same again in Brazil.

A Look at England's Euro 2012 squad

On May 1^st 2012, after 36 years coaching clubs and countries all over the world, Roy Hodgson realised his lifelong ambition of being appointed manager of England. He succeeded Fabio Capello – one of the most decorated managers of the modern era – despite a campaign led by the national media for Harry Redknapp to be given the job, and was left with around five weeks to plan for his first major tournament.

Clearly Hodgson hasn’t been dealt the easiest of hands, but that doesn’t excuse his decision to select what is a wholly uninspiring squad to take to Ukraine/Poland next month. Admittedly I’m not an England fan, but as much as I dislike them, I do find them oddly interesting and I’ve been thinking quite a lot about their chances this summer.

When facing the press in the aftermath of the squad announcement, Hodgson explained that he had decided to go with an experienced set of players, and luckily for him the assembled journalists were too polite to ask him exactly what sort of experience he was looking for. Not many members of the squad have ever won anything, and with Wayne Rooney suspended for the first two group games it’s difficult to see where the goals are going to come from.

Of the 23 players picked only nine have won a major league title (Hart, Cole, Johnson, Lescott, Terry, Barry, Lampard, Milner and Rooney), while just two of them have a European Cup winners’ medal at home (Rooney and Gerrard). Hodgson declined to call up either Rio Ferdinand or Michael Carrick – both of whom have won several Premier League titles and played in Manchester United’s 2008 Champions League triumph.

As for goals, it seems as though England’s best hope of hitting the net in the opening two games lies with Jermain Defoe, who has a decent record of 15 in 46 for England and scored 11 in 25 league games for Tottenham last season. However, despite his decent return, Defoe hasn’t been first choice at Spurs since the arrival of Emmanuel Adebayor, and isn’t a player who has ever really made an impact at the highest level.

The other two strikers on the plane will be Danny Welbeck, who has kept Javier Hernandez and Dimitar Berbatov out of the Man United side for much of the season, and Liverpool’s £35m striker Andy Carroll. Welbeck has shown a good understanding with Rooney but is still very raw, while Carroll has scored 6 goals in 42 games for Liverpool and is an absolute carthorse. I’m not expecting either of them to shine next month.

The fact Hodgson has picked nine midfielders and four forwards suggests he is expecting the midfield to chip in with its fair share of goals, so he must be concerned that only Frank Lampard (23) and Steven Gerrard (19) have scored more than five times in an England shirt. John Terry’s six goals make him the fifth highest international scorer in the squad.

I do think Hodgson deserves some credit for managing to find a way around taking Scott Carson. Robert Green and John Ruddy aren’t exactly world-beaters, but Carson is easily the worst goalkeeper to play for England since Richard Wright. How he manages to make a living from professional football is well and truly beyond me.

Micah Richards must be gutted at being left out, especially with Kyle Walker’s injury and Glen Johnson’s inability to defend. Phil Jones has also been a bit suspect in the latter months of the season, but there are always a few who manage to make it on the versatility ticket. I imagine Terry and Joleon Lescott will start at centre half unless Hodgson really rates Gary Cahill or Jones. It’s been a long time since England have gone to a tournament with such a poor selection of defenders.

For a team that is very rarely in a position where it’s looking to close out a game in knock-out competition, England are taking a very conservative set of midfielders. None of Gareth Barry, Stewart Downing, James Milner or Scott Parker are likely to make something happen in the final third, while Lampard and Gerrard are both shadows of the players they once were. Ashley Young is going to have to put in some very big performances.

It’ll be interesting to see how many opportunities Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is given. There’ve been suggestions he may end up spending little time on the pitch, a la Theo Walcott in 2006, but if he’s being picked at Adam Johnson’s expense then the manager must surely intend to play him. Apparently Hodgson decided to select the 18 year old after being impressed with how he handled Andrea Pirlo and Massimo Ambrosini during Arsenal’s Champions League ties against AC Milan. It may interest him to know that Ambrosini didn’t feature in either game and Pirlo plays for Juventus.

So far the pundits and journalists seem to be giving Hodgson the benefit of the doubt, though that could be down to them all feeling sorry for him after The Sun’s front page ridiculing of his speech impediment a few weeks ago. Not much has been made of him claiming that Ferdinand wasn’t selected due to him playing just once for England in 12 months, only to name Gerrard, who has managed just 33 minutes for his country over the last 19 months, as his captain.

As always, the highlight will probably be a load of Buster Bloodvessel lookalikes being blasted with massive hosepipes by foreign police forces.

Swansea City vs. Everton Preview

Everton travel to the Liberty Stadium tomorrow looking to avoid a third straight Premier League defeat when they meet Brendan Rodgers’ stylish Swansea City.

Things haven’t gone quite as expected for David Moyes in the last ten days. His plan to ensure smooth passage to Wembley by not turning up for the derby backfired when his well-rested strongest XI could only manage a home draw with Sunderland, and after the somewhat unfortunate defeat to Arsenal in midweek he is now faced with the prospect of heading into Tuesday’s all-important FA Cup replay with a team bereft of form or confidence.

A win against Swansea would definitely provide a timely boost, but it’ll be no easy task on a ground where they’ve beaten the likes of Chelsea, Arsenal and Manchester City this season. The key to Swansea’s success has been the way their midfield trio of Joe Allen, Leon Britton and Gylfi Sigurdsson have retained possession and dictated the tempo of games, and Moyes will have to decide whether he’s going to try and match or bypass them.

Unlike the vast majority of newly promoted teams, Swansea haven’t panicked when results have been hard to come by, which has helped give them the air of an established Premier League team – something which shows in their play. They’re positive without being reckless, and while they’re far from a free-scoring side they do have midfielders in Sigurdsson and Scott Sinclair who are chipping in with goals to ease the burden on striker Danny Graham. It also helps that they have an excellent goalkeeper in Michel Vorm.

Only Manchester City have conceded fewer goals at home than Swansea, who have lost just two league games at the Liberty since being promoted (putting them on a par with Manchester United, Tottenham, Arsenal and Newcastle), but the fact remains that they gave arguably the worst showing of any of the season’s visiting sides at Goodison back in December, when a Leon Osman goal secured a comfortable 1-0 win.

With Jack Rodwell, Darron Gibson and Seamus Coleman all unlikely to play it seems as though Everton’s best strategy is to break down the flanks with Leighton Baines/Steven Pienaar and Royston Drenthe. That’s if Moyes sticks with the mercurial Drenthe, whose unwillingness to track back remains a major issue to the manager, especially away from home.

It’ll be interesting to see what sort of team Moyes picks for this one with the cup replay just three days after. He’s heaped a lot of pressure on himself and the players already by sending out a weakened team in the derby before the first Sunderland game, so whether or not he’ll risk essentially throwing away another three points in exchange for fresher legs on Tuesday is the big question.

I don’t think Moyes will disrupt the back four again after Jagielka’s horrendous showing at Anfield, but I imagine Phil Neville will be deployed in centre midfield, where he could perhaps distract Allen, Britton and Sigurdsson with his Hulk Hogan finger points and high-pitched screams. I also expect to see Victor Anichebe lumbering along the right wing and Denis Stracqualursi up front.

I reckon the starting XI will look something like this:

Howard; Hibbert, Heitinga, Distin, Baines; Anichebe, Fellaini, Neville, Pienaar, Osman; Stracqualursi

Everton 0 Arsenal 1

Thomas Vermaelen’s 8^th minute header was enough to secure all three points for Arsenal on a night when Everton really could have done with regaining some momentum.

Arsene Wenger sent his team out to attack from the off, and in the opening twenty minutes Everton were totally overran as the visitors created a handful of excellent goal scoring opportunities. The best of the early chances fell to Aaron Ramsey, who blazed over after Robin van Persie’s knockdown left him with Tim Howard’s goal at his mercy.

Minutes later Ramsey was in again thanks to good work from Theo Walcott, but this time his shot was deflected over the bar. The resulting corner saw Vermaelen inexplicably beat four defending players to the ball and head Arsenal into a well-deserved lead, and the advantage was almost doubled soon after when Howard was forced into a smart save by van Persie and Tony Hibbert blocked Ramsey’s effort from the rebound.

Everton finally started to get a foothold in the game after David Moyes switched Tim Cahill and Marouane Fellaini, who was struggling to get into the game, and a half-chance for Leon Osman was followed by a wrongly disallowed goal for Royston Drenthe. Leon Osman intercepted a poor clearance from Wojciech Szczesny and fed Nikica Jelavic, and an exchange between the Croatian and Tim Cahill led to Drenthe getting one on one and slotting the ball passed Szczesny.

It was the first of many baffling offside calls that went against Everton – Moyes claimed there had been five incorrect decisions in his post-match interview – and there’s no telling how things may have turned out had Drenthe’s goal stood.

Despite being lucky to still be in the game after 20 minutes, Everton began the second half looking capable of getting something out of it. There was more effort made to get up and support Jelavic (who made a tit of himself by falling flat on his face while trying to barge Vermaelen over), and though they lacked the quality to create any real gilt-edged chances, it was still encouraging to see the Blues pushing forward.

Arsenal continued to look dangerous themselves, and again tried having someone pull out onto Hibbert and nod down one of Alex Song’s floated passes; this time it was Kieran Gibbs setting up van Persie, who shockingly enough struck the post. Leighton Baines then flashed a superb ball across the Arsenal goal and the excellent Tomas Rosicky felt he should have had a penalty when Drenthe bundled into him at the other end. It was all rather exciting.

Drenthe fired over from the edge of the box just before he and Osman were hooked in exchange for Magaye Gueye and Victor Anichebe (a truly worthless pair), and the Gunners again went close to making it 2-0 when van Persie fell on his arse while trying to convert Gervinho’s cut-back.

Cahill was replaced by Denis Stracqualursi with ten minutes to go as Moyes pushed for an equaliser, but for all the Argentinian’s hard work and enthusiasm he still looks like Carlos Tevez would if the aliens from Space Jam stole his talent.

Moyes can be happy that his side matched Arsenal for 70 minutes or so, but it must also worry him that only Wigan have scored fewer goals in the Premier League this season. Even though Jelavic looks like he could be the answer up front there’s still the question of how chances are going to be created for him, especially with there being no guarantees that either Drenthe or Steven Pienaar will be here next season.

Everton are crying out for a central playmaker to provide craft and guilse the final third, and Moyes needs to do anything he can to get one in the summer – even if it means sacrificing someone like Jack Rodwell or Phil Jagielka. The team as it is will get by OK, but if Moyes wants to get back into Europe he needs a better footballer than Cahill supporting Jelavic.

Next up is Swansea away, where a win could potentially lift Everton above their opponents into 8^th and, perhaps more importantly, provide a timely boost going into the replay at Sunderland.

Everton vs. Arsenal Preview

After a crazy week which saw David Moyes pretty much throw the Anfield derby before watching his team struggle to breakdown a stubborn Sunderland side, Everton will be looking to restore the positive atmosphere created by wins over Man City, Chelsea and Tottenham when they host Arsenal tonight.

The Gunners are enjoying arguably their best form of the season so far, having recorded four consecutive league wins, as well as somewhat atoning for their sorry showing in the first leg of their Champions League tie against Milan by almost levelling the aggregate score at the Emirates. Still, they’ve lost as many as they’ve won on the road and remain a very beatable team.

The biggest threat to Everton’s chances is obviously striker Robin van Persie, who has scored and incredible 26 goals in 26 league games so far in this campaign. The Dutchman appears to have passed on his customary season-ruining injury and has only gone and proven himself as one of the world’s best forwards. Hopefully John Heitinga, who should retain his place at centre back for the foreseeable future after the derby debacle, will be able to keep his international teammate quiet.

While van Persie is far and away Arsenal’s best player, there are still others for the Blues to be concerned with. Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is a massive talent, Aaron Ramsey, Mikel Arteta and the resurgent Tomas Rosicky move the ball around well in midfield, and Alex Song is as good a centre midfielder as any around at the moment. Arteta will probably get a great reception on his first appearance at Goodison since his £10m summer transfer (and rightfully so), but expect the mood to change after he  plays dead to get Marouane Fellaini a booking.

Arsene Wenger will likely name a first choice back five which has yet to lose a game when played together, so it’s important that Everton don’t leave Nikica Jelavic isolated up front - van Persie’s form means it’ll probably take two or more goals to win this one.

Jack Rodwell, Seamus Coleman and Darron Gibson are all expected to miss the game through injury, so I imagine Phil Neville will shift into midfield to partner Fellaini, with either Leon Osman or Tim Cahill supporting Jelavic in attack. Moyes will also have to make a decision on who will replace Coleman on the right of midfield; though Royston Drenthe is the obvious choice I wouldn’t be surprised to see Osman moved out wide instead.

I hope Drenthe does play as Everton are unlikely to dominate possession and will need to make the most of opportunities to counter-attack. Wenger has handed Moyes some of his most depressing defeats as Everton manager but the players have shown they can beat any English team at home and should believe they can collect three points that could move them into eighth.

Likely starting XI: Howard; Hibbert, Heitinga, Distin, Baines; Osman, Fellaini, Neville, Pienaar, Cahill; Jelavic

Everton 2 Chelsea 0

Everton’s annual second half of the season resurgence continued with a 2-0 win over possibly the worst Chelsea team of the Roman Abramovich era.

With John Terry over-tipping black waiters in some distant holiday resort, crazy Andre Villas-Boas picked the even crazier David Luiz and short-shorts wearing Branislav Ivanovic at centre half - both of whom were terrorised relentlessly by the manic Denis Stracqualursi. The Argentinian bulldozer may not have much going for him in terms of natural ability, but his phenomenal work rate is making him a nightmare for opposition defenders.

Steven Pienaar marked his return to Goodison with a goal after just five minutes when he controlled Tim Cahill’s knock on his chest and guided the ball past RoboGoalie. The South African was absolutely outstanding for the 74 minutes he was on the pitch, and it’s easy to see why David Moyes and the other players were so keen for him to come back on loan after a disappointing spell at Tottenham.

Even though Chelsea were on top for most of the first half their attempts at goal were limited to efforts from outside the box by Daniel Sturridge and Frank Lampard. Sturridge linked up well with Juan Mata, but Everton’s defence, led by the fantastic John Heitinga, dealt with the threat of those two and Torres quite comfortably.

Chelsea started well in the second half but failed to carve out any clear-cut chances, and on 71 minutes Stracqualursi sealed the points. Phil Neville went right through Ashley Cole on the halfway line, sending the ball into the path of Landon Donovan. David Luiz went rogue again, allowing he of the rapidly receding hairline to slip in Stracqualursi, who side-footed a firly tame effort towards the near post just as Petr Cech malfunctioned. Is right, Denis.

Everton dominated from the moment the advantage was doubled, as a demoralised Chelsea team visibly gave up. Aside from a late chance for substitute Romelu Lukaku, which was bravely smothered by Tim Howard, Chelsea did little to threaten Everton’s lead. The remainder of the game was filled with sulking from Torres and Royston Drenthe’s poor decisions. Villas-Boas is almost certainly close to losing a job he clearly wasn’t ready for.

The win moves Everton up to tenth, just six points behind Liverpool, so hopefully the rest of the season will be spent chasing an unlikely Europe place rather than looking over our shoulders. If Stracqualuris carries on with these Ultimate Warrior-style performances, Nikica Jelavic will be left spending his first few months at the club playing Fifa Street with Drenthe at halftime and buying weed from Jose Baxter.

Good work, Moyes. Just don’t balls it up against Blackpool next week.

Fear and Loathing in Walton (or: Everton vs. Wolves Preview)

Revolution is in the air.

Mubarak ousted. Gaddafi killed. Wall Street occupied. Kenwright..?

The Blue Union will hold its second demonstration against the financial mismanagement of Everton Football Club tomorrow at 2pm, beginning at the field on Spellow Lane and presumably culminating with a march to the Directors’ entrance at Goodison Park. Given yesterday’s debacle involving emails allegedly leaked from the account of Ian Ross (Everton’s Head of Communications), it seems likely that what this event will lack in clown costumes and John Heitinga cakes, it will make up for with the number of disgruntled Evertonians in attendance.

Considering the laundry list of failures and farces that has been compiled under the present board, you’d have to say that their PR department have done a remarkable job in keeping the fanbase generally happy over the last decade. Obviously they owe a lot thanks to David Moyes for achieving league positions that rarely make sense, the two Manchester clubs for paying massive sums of money for Wayne Rooney and Joleon Lescott, and to the fans themselves – the majority of whom have remained apathetic towards the off-field running of the club while the team has been doing well.

Sadly for Kenwright and Friends, you can’t fool all of the people all the time, which is why it should come as no surprise to them that the jig is finally up. The money for Kings Dock isn’t ring-fenced, the Fortress Sports Fund didn’t go into the bank on Monday, and Destination Kirkby wasn’t ‘world-class’, ‘effectively free’ or even legal. Now that the team is going backwards and the banks are refusing to accept Dave Hickson anecdotes as legal tender, something has to give.

Kenwright has been in a hole since Kirkby collapsed, and while his determination to just keep digging no matter what is almost admirable, his journey to the centre of the Earth must surely be coming to an end after the release of these emails. The club has done a good job of presenting a united front up to now, with Moyes, along with past and present players, routinely backing up CEO Robert Elstone’s claims that Everton remain ‘fiercely ambitious’, but all of that looks like a load of bollocks when senior staff members are allegedly describing the club as being in ‘financial meltdown’ in between drawing up plans to divide the supporters through manipulation of the media.

Though there’s definitely a funny side to a lot of was written in those emails – the idea of a man who seems to spend much of his day posting snide remarks on fan forums questioning the productivity of the CEO was particularly amusing – there were also parts that are at best worrying, and at worst scary.

Rumours of the board’s asking price being a sticking point with potential buyers would become ever more believable if the comment about it costing ‘upwards of £25m’ to acquire a 25% stake in the club turns out to be true, while the insistence that the Blue Union’s message is nothing more than ill-informed scaremongering will become a lot harder to swallow if the club are found to be dictating the Echo’s coverage of what is becoming a nasty, bitter episode. Such paranoid behaviour, along with in-fighting amongst prominent employees, certainly creates the image that these are people cracking under the pressure of having something to hide.

'Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room!'

Still, there was some good news in the form of Marouane Fellaini signing a new contract, even if the timing of the announcement was a bit suspicious. Fellaini has developed into one of the better central midfielders in the Premier League over the last two years, and at 23 years old is only going to improve further. Between him, Jack Rodwell and Ross Barkley Everton have the makings of a very, very good midfield.

There’s also a game tomorrow, in case anyone had forgotten. Everton are playing Wolves at home, which is never much fun, but after turning them over at Molineux last time the two sides met it should be a game that Moyes and his players more than fancy themselves in.

John Heitinga, who is rumoured to be taking his Gravesen 2.0 act to Roma in January, will probably drop out in favour of Sylvain Distin with Fellaini coming straight back into midfield. God knows what, if anything, will happen up front.

Wolves will be strong and direct, with the horrible Karl Henry looking to win plaudits from knobheads like Martin Keown and Lee Dixon by going through the back of Fellaini about fifteen times before the referee finally books him for shame’s sake.

Everton are currently 17th, and while it’s not quite time to panic, they don’t want to find themselves down that end of the table much longer. A win over Wolves, who sit 13th, would push Everton two points above them and hopefully represent the start of a much-needed run of positive results.

Newcastle United 2 - 1 Everton

You could write these match reports before the games even kick off.

David Moyes made two changes to the team that was beaten 1-0 by Manchester United a week ago, with Phil Neville and Royston Drenthe replacing the suspended Marouane Fellaini and seemingly despised Diniyar Bilyaletdinov. John Heitinga and Phil Jagielka carried on in the centre of defence, which came as a surprise seeing as though Sylvain Distin had recovered from the injury that kept him out against United.

Everton started brightly and created the game’s first real chance; Ryan Taylor misjudged Louis Saha’s flick, allowing Seamus Coleman a chance to shoot on the half-volley, but the Irishman blasted high and wide when he really should have done better.

Coleman has been struggling lately. It seems like opposing teams have sussed him out, leaving him looking a bit too limited to cut it as a Premier League-level winger. In fairness to him, he’s a natural full-back and looked brilliant there during his loan spell at Blackpool, so there’s no reason not to think he’ll end up a long-term fixture in defence once Neville replaces Moyes as manager and appoints Tony Hibbert as his assistant.

As is usually the way, Everton were punished for Coleman’s miss when Heitinga turned Danny Simpson’s cross into his own net after 12 minutes. It was hardly a Kolarov-style whip from Simpson, but it’d be harsh to blame Heitinga when Tim Howard, the world’s quietest tourette sufferer, declined to give him any kind of shout.

The Blues responded well to going behind, with Jack Rodwell and Leon Osman drawing saves from Tim Krul, who is pretty good despite looking like the archetypal dodgy flapper, while Saha smashed the ball out of the stadium when through on goal – an effort made doubly frustrating by the fact it was a waste of Jagielka’s first accurate pass of the season.

Once again Everton were made to rue their wastefulness in front of goal, as Ryan Taylor slammed a belter of a half-volley beyond Howard on 29 minutes. Taylor then almost fluked himself a second when he over hit a cross that came back off the bar, and Everton hit the woodwork themselves after Saha reacted quickest to a loose ball and was unlucky to see his first-time shot strike the post.

Moyes was forced to make his first substitution just 41 minutes in when Neville went down under what looked like a fairly light challenge; suggesting he probably shouldn’t have been on the pitch in the first place. Distin was the replacement, and while it was a very negative change to make when 2-0 down, I think it was really more of an admission that Jagielka and Heitinga were struggling to cope with the physicality of Demba Ba and Leon Best.

With Heitinga shifted into midfield things were looking bleak. That was until Drenthe’s corner was met by Rodwell, who powered a superb header past Krul to make it 2-1 just before half-time. The goal sent Everton into the break on a high, and they used the momentum to make a strong start to the second-half.

Tim Cahill, who hasn’t scored in about fifteen years, came on to end the Heitinga midfield nightmare and boost Everton’s push for an equaliser, but the chances dried up after Dan Gosling (remember him?) blocked Saha’s goal-bound strike with his arm. As Gosling was on the floor and didn’t really move it’d be harsh to say he should have been sent off, but it was a stonewall penalty regardless.

Arguably the worst moment of the game arrived on 81 minutes when James McFadden made his first appearance since returning on a free transfer. He was never up to much first time around, so the sight of him emerging from the dugout looking like an extra from Rab C. Nesbitt probably did little to worry Newcastle’s defenders.

McFadden has never had any pace, which might explain Moyes throwing him in despite appearing as though he’s been on the Yak diet, so we could only hope that he had at least matured as a footballer in the three and a half years since the manager decided he wasn’t good enough. Sadly, his attempt to curl one in from an impossible angle when there were numerous blue shirts to aim for confirmed that he still thinks like a nine year old.

This loss drops Everton to 17th after Wolves’ win over Wigan yesterday, and just a point separates them from Bolton in 18th. It’s been a horrible run that has seen Everton earn just three points from six difficult fixtures – and worryingly they were six fixtures that accounted for twelve points last season.

Despite Everton playing fairly well and deserving at least a point, it’s hard to begrudge Newcastle the win or their impressive start to the season. Alan Pardew doesn’t have a particularly big squad to work with and was given only a fraction of the fees received for Andy Carroll, Kevin Nolan and Jose Enrique to find adequate replacements. He also had to deal with his pre-season preparations being disrupted by Joey Barton, who has become even more of a pain in the arse since learning how to read.

The injury which forced Yohan Cabaye off in the first-half on Saturday left Pardew without three of his four first choice midfielders, but instead of dropping his arse and packing the centre of the park with defenders he opted to give two young a lads a go in their natural positions. Obviously there’s no way this Newcastle team will qualify for the Champions League, but their positive approach will ensure they do alright.

Everton’s next six matches include home games against Wolves, Stoke, Norwich and Swansea. These, along with the trip to Bolton, are games that Everton really need to win if they’re to spend the second half of the season thinking about Europe rather than worrying about a possible relegation scrap.

Hopefully there’ll be money to spend on a striker in January, but until then Moyes needs to freshen things up and show a bit more confidence in his players. Drenthe has made a positive impact, but even with him in the side it’s hard to see where goals are going to come from when Saha, who isn’t suited to playing as a lone striker anyway, is supported by a midfield that always contains two holding midfielders (one of which is quite often a natural defender in Neville or Heitinga) and a full-back on the wing.

The defence has never really recovered from Lescott’s departure and is only getting worse (their one clean sheet this season came in a game where the opposition missed two penalties), so It seems like as good a time as any to switch Coleman to right-back. The only way he’s going to develop as a defender is through playing games, and even if he does leave gaps by bombing forward there will be two defensive midfielders waiting to cover.

I sympathise with Moyes, who has watched his team fall apart in front of him over the past two years, but he still has a number of highly paid internationals to choose from, and rarely passes up an opportunity to defend the board in the press. He’s never going to be a gung-ho manager, and that’s fair enough, but his tactics are becoming unnecessarily negative to the point where his team are now incredibly predictable and easy to defend against.

A couple of wins will change everything, but it’s easier said than done.

Newcastle vs. Everton Preview

Everton’s difficult run of fixtures continues on Saturday with a trip to St. James’ Park to face Alan Pardew’s unbeaten Newcastle United.

Newcastle have been sat in the Champions League places a little too long for the pundits’ liking, so there’s been a lot of talk lately about how the wheels will inevitably fall off and their season will amount to nothing. While they’ll almost certainly finish outside the top four, Newcastle have drawn with Arsenal and Tottenham and picked up an impressive away win at Stoke so far in their opening ten Premier League games, so they’re not a team to be taken lightly.

Still, regardless of Newcastle’s form Everton need to start getting points on the board after what’s been an incredibly challenging a run of games. A deserved win at Fulham (I know Bobby Zamora’s miss was ridiculous, but Everton murdered them in the first half) was followed by a home defeat to Manchester United that made it four losses out of five in the league for David Moyes and leaves Everton languishing in 16th.

The performance against United was decent enough in terms of keeping possession and limiting the champions’ chances, but, as is almost always the case, Everton never really looked like scoring.

Louis Saha drops far too deep to be effective as a lone striker, and even when he does play on the shoulder the midfield’s pacifist approach to killer passes does him no favours. If his brilliant goals against Fulham and Chelsea were a reminder of his talent, his efforts against United showed why bringing in a new striker still has to be Moyes’ number one priority.

Another problem is that none of the midfielders look to get beyond Saha when he drops into ‘the hole’ or pulls out wide. I don’t know if it’s because they’re told to hold their positions, lack the energy to get back if the move breaks down, or just can’t be arsed making a run for him when they know he’ll probably try some mad shot anyway. Whatever the reason, Everton need to change things up in attack.

If Tim Cahill is passed fit then he’ll probably play, but I’d sooner see Apostolos Vellios given the job of leading the line and opening up space for Saha and the wide players to attack. Vellios wasn’t great when he started at Fulham but he’s shown he can score and deserves a run in the team, especially since we’ve seen time and time again that Cahill and Saha don’t complement each other at all.

Sylvain Distin will likely come straight back in at centre-half at the expense of John Heitinga if he’s over the injury that kept him out last week. Heitinga’s presence in defence reduces the number of times possession is needlessly conceded by aimlessly punting the ball forward, but he dived in for the penalty against Chelsea in the League Cup and lost Hernandez for United’s goal last week, so he’ll almost certainly be the one to make way. If Distin doesn’t make it then it could be a long afternoon for Heitinga and Phil Jagielka, because one-time Everton target Demba Ba is looking unstoppable for Newcastle at the moment.

Marouane Fellaini’s suspension is a blow, but the return of Royston Drenthe after his own one game ban will hopefully compensate. The Dutchman has his faults, but there’s no denying that his raw pace and willingness to take risks adds an extra dimension to what can often be a painfully predictable Everton attack.

One reason I’m feeling fairly optimistic about Everton’s chances of getting a result is the vastly improved form of Jack Rodwell. The England U-21 international, who is apparently on the verge of a call up to the full squad, has quietly carved out a niche for himself as the anchor in Everton’s midfield and put in a string of stellar performances since receiving plaudits for his man-marking job on David Silva a few weeks ago.

Rodwell will need to have another big game if Everton are to pick up three points at St. James’ for the second successive season, because Yohan Cabaye is capable of dictating games from midfield when teams give him space to play. Controlling the centre of the park will be made easier if the excellent Cheik Tiote fails to recover from a knee injury, but either way Cabaye will need to be watched.

Despite Newcastle’s superb start to the season it’s still hard not to fancy even the most toothless strikeforce against a defence led by Fabricio Coloccini and Steven Taylor. Coloccini loves to dive in like an idiot and Taylor is a clumsy oaf, but exposing them will require getting players into their penalty area, and that’s something Everton struggle to do even at Goodison.

I’d like to see Moyes resist the temptation to replace Fellaini with Phil Neville and instead move Leon Osman inside to partner Rodwell. I can’t see it though.

Probable team: (4-5-1) Howard; Hibbert, Jagielka, Distin, Baines; Coleman, Rodwell, Neville, Drenthe, Osman; Saha

Chelsea 3 - 1 Everton

It’s fair to say that this is quite a depressing time to follow Everton.

After grinding out a 2-0 defeat at Man City, David Moyes looked like he’d actually sent his team out to win the game against Liverpool a week later, only for Jamie Carragher’s assistant Martin Atkinson to kill Everton’s chances just 20 minutes in by sending off Jack Rodwell for a tackle so brutal that it appeared to break Luis Suarez’s ankle from three yards away.

Thanks to Suarez’s Wolverine-like recovery powers he was able to continue, and gave the kind of performance that makes you wonder why such a good footballer feels the need to cheat whenever possible. Andy Carroll opened the scoring in the second half, despite being a complete donkey, and Suarez made it two with a neat finish after capitalising on slapstick defending by Sylvain Distin and Leighton Baines.

An international break meant that Moyes had to wait two weeks to try and get his team back to winning ways in their next fixture away at Chelsea, but despite ESPN talking up Everton’s run of five draws in league games at Stamford Bridge it never really felt like even a point was on the cards.

The FA graciously agreed to rescind Rodwell’s red card from the derby – though they curiously saw no reason to punish Atkinson for his woeful handling of an incident that he was right on top of, or Suarez for acting like he’d stood on a landmine – so Moyes was able to select the same team that started quite brightly two weeks earlier.

Everton again got off to a promising start, with Leon Osman and Louis Saha combining to create a chance for the Frenchman to cut in from the left wing and fire a shot that Petr Cech could only gather at the second attempt. Unfortunately Saha was so buoyed by his half-decent effort that he decided not to pass to any of his teammates for the rest of the game, instead opting to try and get a shot off whenever he had the ball, regardless of how many opposition defenders were stood in front of him.

Seeing Saha revert to type encouraged the rest of the Everton players to follow suit; Phil Jagielka started playing beautifully weighted passes to the head of John Terry, Tony Hibbert kicked himself up the arse while trying to launch the ball into space, and Marouane Fellaini got himself a pointless booking.

Chelsea opened the scoring on 30 minutes when the superb Juan Mata picked out Ashley Cole with a deft chipped pass which the England left-back guided back across goal for Daniel Sturridge to head beyond Tim Howard. What Distin and Baines were looking at while all this was going on is anyone’s guess.

Everton responded well to the goal and managed to create another opportunity for Saha to ignore several grey shirts in good positions and kick the ball straight at Terry. As half-time approached it looked as though Everton were well placed to regroup during the break and look for an equaliser in the second half - that was until Seamus Coleman gave a stupid free kick away and Howard and Distin decided to stand by and let Terry head in a second from Frank Lampard’s cross.

To their credit, Everton came out flying at the restart, with Osman unlucky not to pull a goal back when his guided shot struck the outside of Cech’s left post. It was short-lived though, and within a few minutes Chelsea were pressing Everton back and limiting their attacks to hopeless punts by Jagielka and Hibbert.

Moyes made his usual 60 minute substitution, bringing on Royston Drenthe for the struggling Coleman, but before the Dutchman had a chance to touch the ball Chelsea had made it 3-0. Mata combined well with Didier Drogba (who looks a shadow of the player he was two years ago), before centring the ball across goal for Ramires to stab in. It was poor defending again from Everton, with Hibbert and Baines particularly culpable.

Fan morale hit a new low when Phil Neville came on to replace the ineffectual Tim Cahill with about 20 minutes left, which enabled Everton to switch to the tried and trusted method of knocking it long to Fellaini when things aren’t going well. After 10 minutes of this Moyes decided it might be worth putting someone in the box that moves, so Saha was replaced by Apostolos Vellios, who only went and scored with his first touch.

There was to be no great comeback though. The final minutes of the game passed without incident, aside from a brief shouting match between Neville and Lampard after a late challenge from Captain Charisma.

A third defeat on the spin leaves Everton sitting 15th in the Premier League, just a point off the bottom-three with a game in hand. It’s alright though, because they’ve signed James McFadden on a free transfer.

Man City vs. Everton Preview

Everton have stretched their unbeaten streak to five games in all competitions in the last week, with a 3-1 league win over Wigan Athletic on Saturday being followed by a 2-1 (after extra-time) League Cup victory against West Bromwich Albion. I didn’t see either game in full, so can’t comment too much, but judging by Graeme Sharp’s exasperated commentary neither performance was particularly impressive.

The departures of Yakubu Aiyegbeni, Jermaine Beckford and James Vaughan, along with the injuries suffered by Victor Anichebe and Louis Saha (who could have seen that coming?), have led to a return of the famous David Moyes 4-6-0, with Tim Cahill and Leon Osman the furthest players forward.

Argentinean striker Denis Stracqualursi did make a first start against West Brom, while Apostolos Vellios scored the deciding goal in the win over Wigan and has looked a threat from the bench, but given Moyes’ tendency to leap on any excuse to pick the most negative team imaginable it seems very unlikely that either will start away at Manchester City on Saturday.

City, who began the season looking like the Harlem Globetrotters, dropped their first points last weekend when they threw away a two-goal lead to draw at Fulham. The result could be seen to suggest that some of the mental frailties that have hampered their ability to make a meaningful title challenge in either of the last two years may still exist, but chances are they just got caught late after playing a difficult Champions League tie a few days earlier.

Edin Dzeko will likely lead an attack boasting absurdly talented players such as Sergio Aguero, Samir Nasri and the fantastic David Silva, and with City having managed 17 goals in their opening five Premier League games it’s hard to imagine Everton’s shaky defence keeping them out. The fact Carlos Tevez, Mario Balotelli and Adam Johnson are struggling to get on the pitch says everything about the level of firepower available to Roberto Mancini.


If there is cause for optimism it comes in the form of Mancini’s burning desire to unleash his inner arl arse and set up his team with caution. Chances are that he’ll sacrifice one of his usual front four in favour of using James Milner to double up on Leighton Baines, and he may also be tempted to add an extra holding player to a midfield that has been dominated by Marouane Fellaini in the past.

Last season Everton put on a smash and grab clinic akin to those Rafael Benitez used to pull off in the Champions League with depressing regularity during his time at Liverpool, and it will take something similar just to get a draw this time around. Fulham showed that City can still be broken down by a high-tempo, pressuring approach, but the key to making it work at the Etihad Stadium will be figuring when to sit and when to push.

A lot will be depend on whether Royston Drenthe and Seamus Coleman can use their pace to get in behind City’s defence and offer consistent outlets when Everton are weathering the storms that will inevitably come. If Cahill leads the line then he’s going to have to be intelligent with how he uses his energy for as long as it takes before Moyes sends on Vellios or Stracqualursi. He won’t get much joy out of Lescott or Kompany if he tries to brawl with them over every high ball, but while they’re both comfortable in possession neither are anything special with their distribution and can be pressured into mistakes – I know Everton can’t say much with the Super Smash (it out of play) Bros. at centre half, but the point still stands.

I don’t know how much Everton’s recent record against City counts for when they continue to improve while Moyes’ team declines each year, but despite their transformation into a very, very good side they still have some weaknesses. Neither Gael Clichy nor Aleksandar Kolarov are as good defensively as they are going forward, and Micah Richards’ positioning makes Sylvain Distin look like a prime Jaap Stam. Everyone knows Gareth Barry is awful, but as Yaya Toure seems to do the running of two men I’m not sure if it’ll make a difference.

Moyes has gotten the better of Mancini three times on the spin, but to be honest it’s hard to see Everton getting a result here without a large slice of luck to go with a perfect game plan. My biggest worry is Aguero, as he’s the sort of skilful, low centre of gravity player that Phil Jagielka seems to struggle badly with.

Judging by recent performances it’s hard to predict anything other than a loss against a team with a far superior set of players, but Everton put in their strongest performances against the better teams last season, so you never know.

I reckon the Everton line up will be: Howard; Hibbert, Jagielka, Distin, Baines; Coleman, Fellaini, Osman, Rodwell, Drenthe; Cahill.

Everton 2-2 Aston Villa

A late goal from Gabriel Agbonlahor cost Everton what would have been a well-deserved first home league win of the season as Aston Villa somehow escaped from Goodison Park with a 2-2 draw.

The fun started early with what has been reported as anything between 650-1500 disgruntled Evertonians making a peaceful demonstration against the board in the form of a short march from behind Everton One to the directors’ entrance at the ground. It was hardly 1917 St. Petersburg but a start at least – the highlight definitely being a clown walking around with what I can only assume was the world’s first and only John Heitinga cake.

Despite suggestions that protesting would create a negative feeling that would seep into the stadium and kill the players, it ended up being one of the better atmospheres for a standard fixture in quite a while, especially considering the attendance was the lowest for a Saturday 3pm kick-off in nine years.

Everton started brightly and dominated possession throughout the first half against a Villa team whose plan of attack seemed to be built around Emile Heskey winning headers against Leighton Baines, which in fairness worked for Arsenal when they did the same thing using Nicklas Bendtner two years ago. Unfortunately for Alex McLeish his master plan was thwarted when the shock of playing a decent through-pass caused Heskey to pull a hamstring.

Seamus Coleman returned to the starting line up after an injury lay-off and looked great against ‘The Man of a Thousand Broken Ankles’ Steven Warnock. Coleman’s pace and aggressive running is a breath of fresh air in a team that is generally slow and methodical going forward, and though he was out on his feet towards the end, his was one of the day’s most encouraging performances.

Leon Osman put the finishing touch on a nice move to open the scoring on 19 minutes. It looked for a second like Tim Cahill had cost Osman a decent shooting opportunity when he took the ball off his team mate’s toes on the edge of the box, but a clever reverse pass from the Australian allowed Osman to guide an excellent left-footed finish beyond the reach of Shay Given.

Soon after the opener came a quite surreal moment as Bill Kenwright’s face was shown on the big screen for about 15 seconds. The sight of Kenwright, who gave a bizarre sob story interview in the Daily Mail that was put out on the morning of the match, was initially met with a chorus of boos, only for a fair chunk of the ground to counter with a sustained round of applause.

It was so surprising that the cameras went back again to make sure it had really happened, and lo and behold, the man who ring-fenced £30m for the Kings Dock and provided us with an effectively free, world-class stadium received a warm clap. Score one for the Everton PR machine.

After the break everyone was reminded that there was a football match going on when Stilian Petrov curled a cracking effort past Tim Howard on 63 minutes for 1-1. The crowd and players responded immediately though, and within six minutes Everton’s lead was restored after the awful Fabian Delph made a ridiculous challenge on Phil Jagielka and Baines converted the resulting penalty.

Everton should have also had a penalty in the first half when Baines was blatantly tripped by substitute Barry Bannan, only for the referee to somehow fail to spot a foul that happened no more than five yards in front of him. It was a decision that David Moyes and his team would go on to rue after Agbonlahor’s 83rd minute equaliser stole a point for the visitors.

Agbonlahor fed to ball out wide to Mark Albrighton and made his way into the box where he took up a position in the middle of Jagielka, Howard and Sylvain Distin. Tony Hibbert, in because Phil Neville was presumably too upset by the despicable actions of the Blue Union and not in the right from of mind to play, made no attempt at closing him down and his cross was able to pick out Agbonlahor, who took advantage of Distin’s complete failure to react and headed Villa’s second.

It was an overall strong performance that deserved three points, but I suppose Everton were due some bad karma after mugging Blackburn at Ewood Park last time out. It was surprising to hear Moyes and Cahill criticising the fans in their post-match interviews (something you never see from Alex Ferguson or any of the United players), and all indications are that Everton are looking to marginalise the Blue Union by turning the rest of the fan base against them.

Hopefully the board will name a price sooner rather than later and we can find out exactly how hard they’re trying to sell the club.

Everton vs. Aston Villa preview

Everton will look to record their first league victory over Aston Villa since March 2006 when Alex McLeish brings his unbeaten team to Goodison Park on Saturday.

Darren Bent, who scored twice in this fixture last season, is Villa’s only major injury worry, and McLeish will give him right up until the last moment to prove his fitness. Hopefully Bent won’t make it, as his clever movement is tailor-made to take advantage of Sylvain Distin’s complete lack of positional sense.

If Bent plays he’ll likely be partnered by long-standing figure of ridicule Emile Heskey, whose stupid DJ celebration represented the nadir of several Walter Smith/early David Moyes derby day farces. How Heskey is still playing Premier League football is beyond me; he’s a big, fat pudding and Martin O’Neill should have been sacked on the spot for spending £6m on him when Villa were 3rd or 4th in the table.

Despite losing Ashley Young and Stewart Downing, who were their two best players last season, Villa still seem to have a decent side. Charles N’Zogbia and Shay Given would have been great signings for most teams, while Alan Hutton and Jermaine Jenas (who is Jack Rodwell’s Dorian Gray) are improvements on the departed Luke Young and Nigel Reo-Coker.

Villa set up to play on the counter, which is worrying because Everton struggle with teams that are willing to sit tight and wait for an opportunity to break. The usual result is Mike Arteta, Marouane Fellaini and Rodwell passing sideways between themselves just over the halfway line until either Leighton Baines does something brilliant or Phil Neville does something shit. However, now that Arteta has moved to Arsenal there’s also the third option of John Heitinga playing a pointless diagonal pass and then posing like he’s Ronald Koeman whilst waiting for applause.

With Jermaine Beckford and Yakubu Aiyegbeni sold and Victor Anichebe injured, the onus is on Louis Saha, who is almost always either carrying a knock or just plain unfit, and Tim Cahill to provide the firepower for the foreseeable future. Denis Stracqualursi, top-scorer in Argentina last season, has come in on loan but it seems unlikely that David Moyes will throw him straight into the starting XI. If Saha doesn’t play it’ll probably end up being Cahill and Fellaini up front.

Moyes’ biggest concern will be the fitness of Baines, who is easily Everton’s best player these days, as the left-back was sent home from England duty early with a tweaked hamstring. The neither-footed Phil Neville can switch to the left easily enough and provide reasonable cover defensively, but it’s difficult to see Everton creating many chances for what is an increasingly static forward line without Baines.

Everton’s best chance of winning this is by dominating the centre of midfield. Fellaini is much better than anything Villa have, and Ross Barkley, who’ll likely start wide, has the ability to commit opposition players and make things happen. Diniyar Bilyaletdinov is also available after suspension, but it’ll probably take a few more first team injuries before the Russian non-entity finds himself starting.

Royston Drenthe, a deadline day loan signing from Real Madrid, will probably start on the bench and may play some part. He was brilliant for Holland at the U-21 Euro tournament a few years ago and looked good at Hercules last season until a pay dispute led to him going on strike. Fortunately Everton haven’t yet reached the point where they can’t afford to pay players’ wages, so hopefully he’ll get his head down and show why he was such a highly-touted prospect at Feyenoord.

It’ll be interesting to see how many people turn out for the Blue Union’s peaceful protest march, which begins behind the megastore at 2pm. Though many Evertonians remain apathetic to what goes on behind the scenes, an increasing number are coming around to the idea that the current board isn’t going to jump unless it’s pushed.

Seven successive transfer windows without purchasing a first team player isn’t good enough when the team is slipping to a point where it’s no longer capable of even reaching the Europa League, never mind threatening the top four. Despite the conveniently timed news that Kenwright will be meeting three potential buyers next week, I find it hard to believe that someone who came across as a deluded lunatic in his meeting with the Blue Union reps is the right man to make the sale.

Saturday is looking like a pretty big day all round for the club. It’s difficult to make a prediction without knowing whether Baines or Bent will feature, so I’ll just say that if Tony Hibbert, Neville and Heitinga all start then Everton are in trouble.

A Cracker's Guide to Benicassim

If you’re looking to prove yourself as a true connoisseur of music by attending a festival abroad, you’ve probably considered Benicassim. The relatively short flight and warm weather make it an obvious choice, allowing you to combine a relaxing holiday in the sun with all the debauched fun of a music festival.

For those with the foresight to book a hotel in Benicassim Town I’m sure that was case, but for the proles slumming it in the camp sites things weren’t quite so rosy.

There are many mistakes to be made when attending a festival, especially if it’s in a foreign country and you’re skin is approaching translucent, so in the interest of making this blog entry as helpful as possible my friends and I decided to make plenty of them.

People that live for holidays can get into the spirit early by making the first fuck up several months in advance. I suggest waiting until all flights to Valencia Airport (the nearest to Benicassim) are fully booked and face value festival tickets have sold out before making any attempt at buying either. For maximum effect, be sure to have the necessary money in your account from the moment tickets go on sale and absolutely no reason not to buy them before they’re all gone.

Now you’re ready for your first taste of Benicassim extortion. Websites such as Seat Wave and Viagogo will helpfully break down all the different ways in which they’re ripping you off before presenting you with a sum total that is usually about £80 more expensive than originally advertised. It’s worth noting that they do at least offer insurance against counterfeit tickets, so if you enjoy living dangerously you may prefer to opt for an eBay seller with dubious credentials.

After purchasing your ticket you’ll be warned that in order to exchange it for a wristband at the festival you will need to show your passport, a copy of the passport of the crook who bought the ticket and sold it on to you, and a letter of authorisation from said crook, confirming you as the victim of the transaction. This turned out not to be true, as the people manning the ticket exchange desk didn’t seem in the least bit bothered as long as your barcode scanned and you were carrying some sort of maroon rectangle.

Should you fly to Alicante you will be greeted at the airport by a fat-headed Spaniard in a taxi. This man is a liar. He will tell you it costs 20 Euros to get to Alicante train station by taxi (it doesn’t) and that from there it’s 60 Euros for a train to Castellon (he’ll swear blind there is no station at Benicassim – there is) and something like 30 Euros to reach the festival from there. The good news is that for a pre-arranged price of just 60 Euros each he will take you directly to Benicassim, leave you at the wrong camp and insist the price was actually 70 Euros.

In Fat Head’s defence he does ask if you’d like to put one of your CDs on, but as no one carries CDs anymore you’re likely to spend the two hour journey listening to snide ‘90s techno dance on Spanish radio.

We arrived at FIB Camp at around 6pm on the Tuesday and it was already quite busy. There are little shanty town-looking areas which provide tents with a decent level of shade, but as the wait was at least five minutes long it made much more sense to instead pitch up under an emaciated tree in a dust bowl across the road.

The sheer folly of not only failing to book a hotel room but also being too impatient to wait for a spec in the shade doesn’t hit home until the following morning, when the sun beats you out of your tent with a relentless barrage of hot and humid abuse that persists for around twelve hours. The rocky floor is impossible to sit or even walk bare foot on, so if you’re flash like me you’ll take an old towel to sleep on. The truly extravagant amongst you may even spring for a mat or lilo if you can withstand the added heat they bring.

Once you properly wake up the desperation sets in. The tent is like a sauna but the sun and floor are trying to kill you. If your solution to this problem is to immediately get up, go into town and buy chairs, umbrellas and mats to walk around on you’re probably going to be ok. If your solution is to sit in silence for a few hours and wait for the problem to resolve itself then you’re probably one of my friends.

I suppose one benefit of doing everything in a lazy, piecemeal fashion is that you appreciate little (tiny, even) luxuries a lot more. First you get a chair and find yourself saying things like: “I had a really good sit this afternoon.” And you’ll mean it too. Next up are umbrellas, which should really be the first thing you buy, but as having a good sit is better than even the best stand or lean it’s seldom the case. After a day of hiding from the solar enemy beneath 18 Euros worth of shade, during which time you’ll develop a real hatred for the Spanish and other olive-skinned races who walk freely about the camp, you’ll hopefully build the confidence to buy some wooden mats and use them to walk around the tree from Evil Dead that your umbrella is tied to.

It seemed the best option for pasty sun-dodgers was to jump out of the tent straight after waking up, get to the showers (which are unisex, so if you and your mates start doing impressions of Leon from Curb Your Enthusiasm avoid shouting: “I’d break that ass in half, Larry” – girls will think you’re weird) and then find a bar in town with adequate shade and a toilet that doesn’t resemble the one from the bookies in Trainspotting. Stay there until it’s safe.

Night time is alright. Having a sleep between the sun going down and the better bands starting makes a difference, but it isn’t easy if there’s a gang of knobhead Spanish girls there who have a noisy summit right next to your tent whenever you want to get your head down. It also helps if you don’t have a trio of blerts from Devon who watch The Apprentice trying to make you the first customers of their ridiculous festival-based business ventures in between pestering your friends for ciggies.

You’ll need to be slick if you’re to sneak any ale into the performance area, as the Spanish security guards are a lot more willing to touch people up than their English counterparts. It’s quite easy to throw things over the side of the fence to your mate if you do it without looking obvious, so use your phone to let the thrower know the coast is clear (this has the added benefit of letting you feel like you’re on 24). Also, remember: a mis-thrown plastic bottle is a funny story; a mis-thrown glass bottle is manslaughter.

To finish, here are a few more bits of advice that I’m not skilled enough to slip into to the above:

- Don’t buy chicken nuggets from the big tent in the camp. They cost 6 Euros and are served with flavourless Benson’s crisps (no lie).

- Don’t wait until late at night to take a shower. It gets windy and you’ll tire yourself out chasing cold, weak streams of water about.

- Don’t get talking to a Spanish slap-head who goes around pubs telling people to remember the name Enzo Zidane and likening himself to Hitler, even if he does offer to buy you a BMW, Mercedes or Mini depending on your preference.

- Don’t forget that each drink ticket costs 2.5 Euros, or else you’ll end up thinking that a fiver for a Coke and a bottle or water is a good deal.

- Don’t let yourself get excited when you hear Everton have matched Aston Villa’s bid for Charles N’Zogbia, or whoever the club are pretending to be interested in when you’re there.