Brighton 1 Everton 1

‘Two, four, six, eight, Koeman’s head is very great. “Great” meaning large or immense, we use it in a pejorative sense.’

That’s right. It’s come to this.

Ronald Koeman opted for a return to four-two-three-one, with Mason Holgate and Phil Jagielka replacing Cuco Martina and Ashley Williams in defence alongside Michael Keane and Leighton Baines. Morgan Schneiderlin and Idrissa Gana Gueye continued to stink out the centre of midfield, while Nikola Vlasic, Gylfi Sigurdsson and Dominic Calvert-Lewin offered varying levels of support to lone striker Wayne Rooney.

Brighton appear to be the type of newly promoted side that first and foremost don’t want to get embarrassed on their maiden voyage into Premier League waters, and so it generally makes for poor fare when they go up against run of the mill, mid-table bums such as Everton. The tone was set when Calvert-Lewin was fouled within 10 seconds of the game kicking off, and the first half carried on in much the same vein, passing by with so few moments of quality that the Bein Sports panel decided to talk about Derby and Nottingham Forest at half-time. It looked a good game.

The cynical fouls continued after the break, with Gueye fortunate not to find himself nursing a broken leg following a challenge by Davy Propper that was in danger of entering Nolan on Anichebe territory. Everton could, and probably should, have had a penalty when Pascal Gross blatantly pulled Sigurdsson’s shirt just as the Icelander was about to connect with a clear sight on goal, but aside from a weak effort by Calvert-Lewin - where to be fair to him, he had done brilliantly to peel off his marker and take a cross from Rooney down onto his chest - there was little to trouble Matt Ryan in the home goal until the late charge that followed Brighton’s 82nd minute opener.

You would have to think that the manager will seriously consider Schneiderlin’s place in the team ahead of two weeks of potentially season-defining fixtures, as he was once again caught daydreaming for an opposition goal. Brighton worked the ball well down the righthand side before centring for substitute Jose Izquierdo, whose blocked shot looked to be rolling across the box slowly enough for even the most lackadaisical of defenders to react to. It was, however, still too quick for Schneiderlin, who had the appearance of a man dosed with a generous helping of that time-distorting drug from Dredd, as he allowed the ball to run long enough for Gross to burst in from the wing and make a tackle-pass to the waiting Anthony Knockaert, who duly buried it beyond a helpless Jordan Pickford. With less than ten minutes to go, the prognosis was looking bleak for Koeman.

The spectre of Steve Walsh’s Brewster’s Millions-themed summer transfer spree reared its head again when the usual desperate substitutions were made. Oumar Niasse and Kevin Mirallas - two players that have been neither rated nor wanted at Everton for well over 12 months now - were, despite significant outlay on the likes of Davy Klaassen and Sandro Ramirez, first off the bench in the manager’s hour of need, demonstrating what little consideration was given to ensuring that there would be suitable variety for him to choose from. To give credit where it’s due, they each did their bit to push the hosts back with willing, if at times aimless running, and it was thanks to a drive through the middle by Mirallas that Knockaert was forced to concede the free kick which would ultimately lead to an equaliser.

For all that we’re calling Schneiderlin after his part in Brighton’s goal, it’s surely nothing compared to what Chris Hughton and the gang are saying about their Spanish right-back Bruno, who responded to another benignly floated free kick from Sigurdsson with a forearm smash straight out of the Tekken control manual. Inbetweeners alumni Michael Oliver atoned for his earlier negligence by immediately pointing to the spot, allowing Rooney to step up and calmly slot his third league goal of the season. It was a moment that enabled Koeman to to breathe a sigh of relief and churn out a few post-game cliches about luck and effort that almost certainly wouldn’t have washed in the face of yet another listless defeat, but even this most aloof of managers must surely be looking at the fixture list and wondering which of the upcoming opponents will end up doing for him.

Still, there were a number of positives, such as Pickford again proving himself the anti-Howard with a proactive approach to dealing with crosses, and one or two smart saves that likely would have asked too much of Maarten Stekelenburg or Joel Robles. Keane had possibly his best game since arriving from Burnley, making an excellent block from Lewis Dunk’s goal-bound effort in the first half, and then doing his best to prevent what would have been a tap-in for Izquierdo, only to have his efforts undermined by Schneiderlin’s inexplicable lethargy. Calvert-Lewin again showed glimpses of the striker he could one day become, and despite falling flat on his arse at several crucial moments, Vlasic was another who gave a decent account of himself.

Like his predecessor, Koeman has the air of a dead man walking; and similar to Roberto Martinez, you can’t help but feel as though his inevitable death by a thousand subs could be avoided if he would just bite the bullet and make a couple of difficult decisions regarding perceived favourites. For example, the two holding midfielders simply cannot be allowed to continue playing together. Schneiderlin had a lot of goodwill in the bank after taking the credit for last season’s Tom Davies-inspired turn around, but as time has gone on it’s become abundantly clear that his occupation of the John Collins sinecure position has pushed Gueye forward into areas where his Phil Neville-esque passing ability is being frequently exposed. Rooney, meanwhile, is obviously going to be the team’s designated passenger for as long as his contract has to run, and so Christ knows what’s going to become of Sigurdsson.

With Lyon (x2), Arsenal and Chelsea in the League Cup all scheduled over the next fortnight, chances are that Farhad Moshiri and Bill Kenwright will soon be asking themselves whether or not it’s worth the risk to allow Koeman the time to turn things around during the hectic winter period. History would suggest that he’s more than capable of riding out the storm and, with no pressure and virtually nothing to play for, going on the sort of second half of the season run that could eventually blag you a go at the Manchester United job. It’s near enough exactly what happened both last year, and in each of his campaigns as Southampton’s golfer in-chief, and so the argument could absolutely be made that he can repeat the trick a fourth time.

But what if he can’t?