Tottenham 4 Everton 0

Everton’s dire form continues unabated, with a 4-0 mauling away at Tottenham Hotspur extending the current winless run to six games in all competitions.

Of all the inexplicable decisions that have been made at various points this season, one of the more perplexing has been Sam Allardyce responding to a marked improvement in defensive solidity by breaking up the centre-back pairing of Ashley Williams and Mason Holgate; as while it’s fair to say that the Wales international has been less than popular during his 18-month spell at Goodison, he had finally started to show his worth in guiding the youngster through some of the best performances of his fledgling career. No one really expected much from le Grand Samuel and his gang of merry hucksters in terms of entertainment or even basic ball retention, but I don’t think any of us believed that he would ever in a million years take to arsing around with a defence that had finally looked halfway serviceable after months of shipping goals in twos, threes and fours.

The Blues actually started the game quite well, mostly due to the good work of big-money debutant Cenk Tosun, whose physicality and movement up top seemed to be giving Davinson Sanchez and Jan Vertonghen plenty to think about at the heart of the Spurs defence. With James McCarthy and Idrissa Gana Gueye sitting deep in front of the back four, Wayne Rooney, Gylfi Sigurdsson and Yannick Bolasie were able to get close to the Turkey international and look for opportunities to take advantage of his impressive holdup play; so much so that it wouldn’t have been completely undeserved if the linesman had failed to spot Rooney creeping just offside before heading past Hugo Lloris from close range. Unfortunately, though, the positive beginning proved to be less a statement of intent than a false dawn, as Son Heung-Min’s 26^th minute opener sent the travelling Ton retreating into their shells – like Ninja Turtles, except massive cowards.

If the lesson from getting good and walloped by Manchester United was that Rooney can’t play centre midfield against strong opposition, this chastening defeat was all about the false economy that is bringing in jarg utility journeymen to perform at a level that any academy kid could easily match or exceed. Cuco Martina has, bizarrely enough, in some ways looked better at left-back than he did in his natural position, but as time wears on and more outsiders become aware what is a desperate situation, the chances of him being identified as a weak link increase accordingly. This was never more evident than in the case of the first goal, where Mauricio Pochettino’s decision to push his right-back Serge Aurier as far up the pitch as possible resulted in him picking up possession in the Everton box, and firing a shot-cum-cross which an unmarked Son steered effortlessly into an empty net.

After making it to the break with only a one-goal deficit to overturn, the situation didn’t seem as bad as it could have been, all things considered. However, eye in the sky Craig Shakespeare is paid very handsomely to see things we’ll never see, and so there were no questions asked when he gave the half-time recommendation to activate Europa League mode. The players duly obliged, and within two minutes of the restart Harry Kane was wheeling away in celebration of a goal that took his personal league tally to within six of Everton’s total for the season. It came when Son made a mug of Jonjoe Kenny with a lovely turn which set him running off unopposed towards goal, before centring for Kane to stroke the ball beyond a helpless Jordan Pickford. There was more than a hint of offside, but that of course didn’t bother the England striker, who would narrow the gap between himself and his opponents to five just 12 minutes later.

There was again a degree of luck to Kane’s second and the host’s third, as he broke their club Premier League scoring record, previously held by Teddy Sheringham, with a scuffed effort that looked to have been unintentionally deflected goalward off his studs. Obviously not satisfied with a scoreline inflated by two moments of good fortune, Tottenham then put a final stamp on their superiority with an excellent team goal that started with Kane holding the ball up near the halfway line, and ended with Dele Alli back-heeling the ball into the path of Christian Eriksen. There was no doubting the outcome as the Dane stepped into a sharp side-footed finish which left Pickford fishing the ball out of his net for the fourth time, and had the travelling Evertonians once again walking away from Wembley with the sinking feeling that nothing good is ever going to happen there. Woodison South it is not.

Skies never look greyer than when a number of what Farhad ‘Sam Hammam’ Moshiri would term ‘expected losses’ come along at once, and now it’s up to Allardyce to draw a line under this terrible run and focus on the fairly winnable games ahead. What little hope he has of remaining in post beyond the summer will all but vanish if the team doesn’t look convincing against the likes of Saturday’s opponents West Brom, who will be confident of leaving Walton with at least a point after picking up their first win under (I’m) Alan Pardew, and so Old Fat Head better hope that his infectious brand of wool banter is still potent enough to elicit a major response from this group of born losers. Given his reputation as a fire fighter, and the fact that a seven-point gap between Everton and 18^th-placed Stoke is much bigger than it looks, you would have to hope that, regardless of any further additions to the squad, relegation won’t be a concern by the time spring rolls around; but still, sign a left-back, yeah?