For the second consecutive season, Ashley Williams was forced to take drastic action at Old Trafford when his over 1.5 goals bet looked all but bust.
Refreshed following a midweek rest, the Wales international put in a performance against former teammate Romelu Lukaku that for a long spell was reminiscent of their meeting in a Euro 2016 quarter-final, when the Belgian was kept securely in Williams' pocket for the full 90 minutes, plus added time. Times change, however, and 15 months later the one-time colossus, who virtually every pundit used to point to as the throwback, no-nonsense defender that could win Arsenal the title, has morphed into a tubby oaf with a stupid David Haye haircut, whose concentration deserts him at all the wrong moments.
‘Once Everton has touched you…’
Ronald Koeman reverted to his preferred lineup for trying to achieve a respectable defeat, bringing Williams and Cuco Martina in to make up a back five. Morgan Schneiderlin and Idrissa Gana Gueye stood just far enough in front of the defence to make it impossible to prove in a court of a law that it was actually a back seven, while Tom Davies and Gylfi Sigurdsson did their best to both cover the full-backs and offer support to lone striker Wayne Rooney. It was an unabashed attempt at ‘parking the bus’ and frustrating a Manchester United side that has made a strong start to the season, which is probably why the players went into panic mode when Antonio Valencia opened the scoring with a belter of a first-time strike after just four minutes.
Another defeat in the manner of those suffered against Tottenham Hotspur and Atalanta looked to be very much on the cards in the minutes following Valencia’s goal, but once the fear of realising that they were effectively set up to defend a deficit eventually subsided, the Blues played their way into the game a bit, and even fashioned a genuine chance when Martina broke down the right flank and centred for Rooney, who should have at least hit the target. Davies’ selection had looked a classic Moyes stitch-up job at first - picking a kid out of position in a game that you know you won’t win, and then dropping him for six months after he gets hooked at half-time - but the ket wig Kaka did a fine job of linking with Rooney and Sigurdsson, while also working back and preventing Martina from being exposed by the attack-minded combination of Ashley Young and Marcus Rashford. The increasingly unconvincing Michael Keane - who definitely doesn’t know how to play as one of three centre-halves - did his best to gift Lukaku a goal with a terrible pass across his own line, but other than that it was mostly a case of letting United knock the ball around between themselves without really creating much of note. It was hardly anything special, but compared with Thursday it was something.
Everton came out for the second-half looking as though 40 minutes without conceding had done their confidence the world of good, as Rooney forced another chance when he rode Eric Bailly’s challenge, only to shoot straight at David de Gea when he again could have done better. United started to get sloppy in possession, with Williams, who appeared to be particularly motivated by his obvious dislike for Lukaku, doing a great job of making their battle the kind of physical encounter that the striker doesn’t really have much of a stomach for. Thierry Henry mentioned before kick-off that Lukaku had been looking forward to facing his former employers, due to him taking offence at fans of such a lowly club having the audacity to point out the flaws in his game; and those comments made it all the more enjoyable when Lukaku fluffed the one on one which came from Keane’s aforementioned error, and despite his current form juxtaposing so unflatteringly with Everton’s, it’s nice not to have such an insufferable blurt doling out unsolicited soundbites about himself all the time. It also came as no surprise to see that he’s taken over Rio Ferdinand’s role of knobhead who runs and jumps on top of everyone while they’re celebrating.
Lukaku would have the last laugh, of course, when this season’s motif of following up a let-off by doing the exact same thing was repeated yet again. The warning came when Jordan Pickford got too cocky with his usually excellent distribution and passed the ball straight to Juan Mata, who drew a foul from Williams and then hit the post with the subsequent free kick. Not satisfied that this was definitely a sign that they should stop arsing around at the back before they get caught out, Williams needlessly gave the ball away under no pressure, allowing Henrikh Mkhitaryan to put the game to bed on 83 minutes. This was immediately followed by ten minutes of complete farce, where a poor free kick by Lukaku caused a scramble that he inevitably scored from, and then substitute Anthony Martial converted a penalty that he himself won by dribbling through the Everton defence until Schneiderlin stopped him with a blatant handball. So it goes.
Grim as things are at the moment, it’s more than likely that this is simply a standard run of poor results - think the ten games without a win, or whatever it was last year - that will turn around as the fixtures get easier. It would, however, be great to hear someone explain the thinking behind the summer recruitment, when they presumably knew well in advance that Rooney would be coming in, and yet made no effort to target players that could complement his strengths or compensate for his weaknesses. Rooney hasn’t, as I feared, taken the piss with his performances on the pitch, but there’s little point in having him here on top money if he’s just going to labour as the focal point of an attack filled with players that are as one-paced as he is. There’s little chance of Koeman’s job coming under serious threat unless it transpires that these recent results are harbingers of a relegation fight, but you would surely think that the same couldn’t be said for Steve Walsh, whose work as director of football appears questionable at best.
With the next four games at home, the outlook should be much brighter come the end of the month; but even if that ends up being the case, it seems difficult to set any realistic, worthwhile targets. Qualifying for Europe through the league is almost certainly going to be a non-starter with this team, and unless something drastic happens in the January transfer window, the fact that they are incapable of winning away from home makes any sort of meaningful cup progress look equally implausible.
Shite.
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