Preview: Everton vs. Liverpool

King Brenny and the hordes of Mordor are marching towards Goodison Park to contest the 219^th Merseyside derby, so I can only hope that David Moyes and his hard luck heroes are prepared for whatever disaster is likely to ensue.

Everton go into Sunday’s lunch time clash sitting fourth in the Premier League, six points ahead of their opponents, but after two away fixtures that turned out to be a lot more difficult than they needed to be, confidence isn’t quite as high as it was a month ago. That being said, Everton remain unbeaten in their last five outings, and have suffered just one defeat so far this term.

Liverpool are starting to find a bit of form themselves, having won two of their last three in the league, and they looked fairly solid again on Thursday night when recording a 1-0 win over an expensively assembled Anzhi Makhachkala team in the Europa League. To be honest though, even if Liverpool were bottom of the league with a goal difference of -40, the fact that David Moyes’ record against them is absolutely shite would still make an Everton victory anything but a forgone conclusion.

Last season represented Moyes’ nadir in terms of derby performances, as Everton followed an unfortunate 2-0 home defeat (where Jack Rodwell was sent off courtesy of a phenomenal piece of play-acting by Luis Suarez) with a disgraceful 3-0 hammering at Anfield and a pathetic surrender at Wembley. I don’t want to tempt to fate, but you’d have to believe that it couldn’t possibly be as bad this time around.

News that Marouane Fellaini is likely to return from injury has provided concerned Blues with a massive boost, not least because Steven Pienaar is due to serve a one-match suspension for startling Jose Bosingwa during the draw at QPR, though whether or not Darron Gibson and Tony Hibbert will be ready in time remains a mystery.

Gibson in particular has been missed in recent weeks. Cynics may suggest that his Bill Goldberg-style Premier League winning streak is bound to come to an end in a game against Liverpool, but getting him back in ahead of Phil ‘traffic cone’ Neville would greatly improve Everton’s chances of recording a first derby win in what feels like a very long time. Liverpool may not be as strong in centre midfield as they were in the days before Rafael Benitez turned into the Mad King from Game of Thrones, but it’s still the area in which they’re strongest.

Steven Gerrard will party like it’s 2005, as he always does against Everton, while Jonjo Shelvey and Nuri Sahin are both tidy footballers with better engines than Neville and Leon Osman. Hopefully Brendan Rodgers will opt for Joe Allen rather than one of Shelvey or Sahin, but even if he does, it’ll be tough for Neville and Osman to compete judging by their poor showing at Loftus Road.

As has often been the case in derbies since Everton escaped the post-Kendall decade of despair, it seems as though belief is going to be key. The good will that was re-built between the opposing sets of fans in the wake of the Hillsborough revelations should keep things fairly cordial off the pitch, but that’s unlikely to stop Everton dropping their arses on it. Liverpool are still a good side, but they’re not even close to what they were three years ago, and, on paper at least, Everton don’t have a great deal to fear if they can keep their nerve.

Suarez will need to be watched closely – for all his faults he’s very, very good – and they have a very exciting talent in Raheem Sterling, but if Everton can cut out the individual errors that so often mark these occasions there’s no reason they can’t keep Liverpool on the back foot.

If Moyes decides to return my calls, this is the XI I’ll be telling him to go with: Howard; Hibbert, Jagielka, Heitinga, Baines; Gibson, Osman, Fellaini, Mirallas, Naismith; Jelavic

Preview: Leeds United vs. Everton

David Moyes’ ruthless victory machine rolls into Elland Road tonight for a Capital One Cup third round tie against Leeds United.

Leeds, now managed by Neil Warnock and his ill-fitting tracksuit bottoms, sit eleventh in the Championship after seven games, and will be in high spirits following a 2-1 win over previously undefeated Nottingham Forest last Saturday.

The biggest threat to Everton’s chances of getting their name in the hat for the next round comes in the shape of in-form striker Luciano Becchio – who doesn’t look even remotely South American – making this a decent test for Shane Duffy if Moyes decides to give the young Irishman a chance at centre half.

Along with perennially over-weight goalkeeper Paddy Kenny and his former Sheffield United teammate Michael Tongue, Evertonians will also recognise paragon of evil El Hadji Diouf, of hilarious £9m transfer to Liverpool fame, lining up for a Leeds side that has only made it past the third round of this competition once in the last decade. Diouf is 31 now, so this could be your last opportunity to hurl abuse at and be spat on by one of the great pantomime villains of the 00s.

Moyes has never really been the type to rest players for cup fixtures, but with Everton looking capable of at least challenging for a Champions League spot for the first time in several years he may decide to change things round a bit more than usual. It helps that there are now more than a few good/promising players waiting for their chance to impress the manager, so I wouldn’t be surprised to see six or seven changes to the team that performed fantastically throughout long periods of Saturday’s 3-0 win at Swansea.

Summer signings Steven Naismith and Brian Oviedo will likely be given starts, and League Cup stalwarts Jan Mucha, Seamus Coleman and Magaye Gueye will all be in contention. Nikica Jelavic is available again after overcoming the injury sustained when he collided with a goalpost against Newcastle, but I imagine Victor Anichebe will be rewarded for his goals in back to back games by keeping his place in the starting XI.

Obviously Everton need to show Leeds enough respect to avoid providing them with an opportunity for an upset, but they should also look at this as another chance to show they’ve developed into a team to be feared. If the Blues get at them early, and silence the rowdy Yorkshire bumpkins that’ll doubtless be right up for it, a third away win of the season is well within their grasp.

Possible XI: Mucha; Coleman, Duffy, Distin, Oviedo; Osman, Neville, Mirallas, Naismith, Gueye; Anichebe.

A Quick Review of England's Euro 2012 Performance

They came, they played like an alehouse team, they got knocked out in the quarter-finals.

Roy Hodgson’s maiden voyage on the good ship England was only ever going to be one of two things: a chance to begin phasing out the remaining veterans of the failed ‘Golden Generation’, or a spirited but ultimately sad attempt at emulating Greece’s unlikely triumph at Euro 2004. Unsurprisingly it ended up being the latter.

Joleon Lescott, Danny Welbeck and Scott Parker were all given opportunities to prove themselves worthy of becoming England regulars thanks to injuries, suspension and racism. However, with Hodgson already talking about how the returns of Frank Lampard and Gareth Barry will improve the team, as well as singling out Steven Gerrard, John Terry and Ashley Cole for special praise, it seems likely the old gang will be back together once the World Cup qualifiers come around.

Despite the general consensus that he did well to win Group D after having just six weeks to work with his new players, Hodgson may end up looking at Euro 2012 as a wasted opportunity. Never again will he go into a major tournament with the English media looking to dampen public expectation, making it the ideal time to take a risk on players that are untried at international level. Instead he kept faith with a core of players that have shown time and time again what their limitations are as a group.

England weren’t the worst performers of the major nations that qualified, but while Holland and France have gone home in shame, with heads already starting to roll, Hodgson and his players have been spared any real criticism for setting up like a League One side visiting Old Trafford when they faced Italy on Sunday.

Averaging 39% possession and managing less than 20 shots on target in four games is pretty poor considering England boasted the highest earning set of players at the tournament, and the less said about the fact they completed just 15 passes in 15 minutes during the second half of extra-time the better. Both Hodgson and Gerrard acknowledged that ball retention is the key area in which improvement is needed, but managers, players and FA officials have been saying the exact same thing since Phil Neville sent England crashing out of Euro 2000.

Hodgson will be able to select technically gifted central midfielders such as Jack Wilshire, Tom Cleverly and Tom Huddlestone in the run up to the World Cup, but it remains to be seen whether he will be ruthless enough to call time on the likes of Barry, Lampard and Parker over the next two years. It’s already been confirmed that Gerrard will carry on as captain, which is fine as long as he isn’t picked in a deep-lying midfield role – he showed the discipline to hold his position and work hard for the team, but he had virtually no impact going forward against Italy and was cramping up after 70 minutes.

The worst thing about the way England set up was that not only were they never going to dominate possession, but they also lacked the ability to counter attack. Ashley Young was decent when played behind the forward against France, and he deserved a second chance against Ukraine after an underwhelming showing in the Sweden game. Why he started the Italy match, though, is anyone’s guess.

Of the 29 crosses put in by Young and James Milner over the four games, just three found a white shirt, which is terrible by any standard. Milner was apparently picked to babysit Glen Johnson, who actually defended well most of the time, but it was quite obvious by the conclusion of the group stage that he wasn’t worth his place – the fact he was brought off for playing shite during every game being the clearest indication.

Even though Adam Johnson was inexplicably left out of the squad, Hodgson did have out and out wingers in Theo Walcott, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Stewart Downing (stop laughing at the back!), who could have at least provided outlets and given opposition full backs something to think about. If a manager knows his team isn’t going to dictate the tempo but he doesn’t want to play on the break through wingers then his only option is to launch the ball at a target man, but given that Carroll spent most of his time on the bench that couldn't have been the plan either.

Going off their final two matches, it seems as though England’s tactic was to keep things tight and hope Wayne Rooney, who warmed up for the tournament with a trip to Las Vegas, would produce something special, and therein lies the problem; England have relied on individual moments of brilliance for too long. It used to be Beckham’s free-kicks, which in fairness were quite reliable, and now it’s Rooney’s goals.

Rooney’s still a great player, but after eight years without a decent performance at a Euro Championship or World Cup it could be time for England to give themselves other options. Moving to Manchester United has swelled his trophy cabinet and bank balance, but Rooney has had to sacrifice his own game for the benefit of the team under Ferguson, and he no longer has the explosiveness required to destroy teams on his own like he did as a teenager.

Hodgson is a good manager and likeable man, and he deserves credit for uniting the dressing room and getting them to show real grit and determination. Still, I won’t be surprised if it’s same again in Brazil.

A Look at England's Euro 2012 squad

On May 1^st 2012, after 36 years coaching clubs and countries all over the world, Roy Hodgson realised his lifelong ambition of being appointed manager of England. He succeeded Fabio Capello – one of the most decorated managers of the modern era – despite a campaign led by the national media for Harry Redknapp to be given the job, and was left with around five weeks to plan for his first major tournament.

Clearly Hodgson hasn’t been dealt the easiest of hands, but that doesn’t excuse his decision to select what is a wholly uninspiring squad to take to Ukraine/Poland next month. Admittedly I’m not an England fan, but as much as I dislike them, I do find them oddly interesting and I’ve been thinking quite a lot about their chances this summer.

When facing the press in the aftermath of the squad announcement, Hodgson explained that he had decided to go with an experienced set of players, and luckily for him the assembled journalists were too polite to ask him exactly what sort of experience he was looking for. Not many members of the squad have ever won anything, and with Wayne Rooney suspended for the first two group games it’s difficult to see where the goals are going to come from.

Of the 23 players picked only nine have won a major league title (Hart, Cole, Johnson, Lescott, Terry, Barry, Lampard, Milner and Rooney), while just two of them have a European Cup winners’ medal at home (Rooney and Gerrard). Hodgson declined to call up either Rio Ferdinand or Michael Carrick – both of whom have won several Premier League titles and played in Manchester United’s 2008 Champions League triumph.

As for goals, it seems as though England’s best hope of hitting the net in the opening two games lies with Jermain Defoe, who has a decent record of 15 in 46 for England and scored 11 in 25 league games for Tottenham last season. However, despite his decent return, Defoe hasn’t been first choice at Spurs since the arrival of Emmanuel Adebayor, and isn’t a player who has ever really made an impact at the highest level.

The other two strikers on the plane will be Danny Welbeck, who has kept Javier Hernandez and Dimitar Berbatov out of the Man United side for much of the season, and Liverpool’s £35m striker Andy Carroll. Welbeck has shown a good understanding with Rooney but is still very raw, while Carroll has scored 6 goals in 42 games for Liverpool and is an absolute carthorse. I’m not expecting either of them to shine next month.

The fact Hodgson has picked nine midfielders and four forwards suggests he is expecting the midfield to chip in with its fair share of goals, so he must be concerned that only Frank Lampard (23) and Steven Gerrard (19) have scored more than five times in an England shirt. John Terry’s six goals make him the fifth highest international scorer in the squad.

I do think Hodgson deserves some credit for managing to find a way around taking Scott Carson. Robert Green and John Ruddy aren’t exactly world-beaters, but Carson is easily the worst goalkeeper to play for England since Richard Wright. How he manages to make a living from professional football is well and truly beyond me.

Micah Richards must be gutted at being left out, especially with Kyle Walker’s injury and Glen Johnson’s inability to defend. Phil Jones has also been a bit suspect in the latter months of the season, but there are always a few who manage to make it on the versatility ticket. I imagine Terry and Joleon Lescott will start at centre half unless Hodgson really rates Gary Cahill or Jones. It’s been a long time since England have gone to a tournament with such a poor selection of defenders.

For a team that is very rarely in a position where it’s looking to close out a game in knock-out competition, England are taking a very conservative set of midfielders. None of Gareth Barry, Stewart Downing, James Milner or Scott Parker are likely to make something happen in the final third, while Lampard and Gerrard are both shadows of the players they once were. Ashley Young is going to have to put in some very big performances.

It’ll be interesting to see how many opportunities Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is given. There’ve been suggestions he may end up spending little time on the pitch, a la Theo Walcott in 2006, but if he’s being picked at Adam Johnson’s expense then the manager must surely intend to play him. Apparently Hodgson decided to select the 18 year old after being impressed with how he handled Andrea Pirlo and Massimo Ambrosini during Arsenal’s Champions League ties against AC Milan. It may interest him to know that Ambrosini didn’t feature in either game and Pirlo plays for Juventus.

So far the pundits and journalists seem to be giving Hodgson the benefit of the doubt, though that could be down to them all feeling sorry for him after The Sun’s front page ridiculing of his speech impediment a few weeks ago. Not much has been made of him claiming that Ferdinand wasn’t selected due to him playing just once for England in 12 months, only to name Gerrard, who has managed just 33 minutes for his country over the last 19 months, as his captain.

As always, the highlight will probably be a load of Buster Bloodvessel lookalikes being blasted with massive hosepipes by foreign police forces.

Swansea City vs. Everton Preview

Everton travel to the Liberty Stadium tomorrow looking to avoid a third straight Premier League defeat when they meet Brendan Rodgers’ stylish Swansea City.

Things haven’t gone quite as expected for David Moyes in the last ten days. His plan to ensure smooth passage to Wembley by not turning up for the derby backfired when his well-rested strongest XI could only manage a home draw with Sunderland, and after the somewhat unfortunate defeat to Arsenal in midweek he is now faced with the prospect of heading into Tuesday’s all-important FA Cup replay with a team bereft of form or confidence.

A win against Swansea would definitely provide a timely boost, but it’ll be no easy task on a ground where they’ve beaten the likes of Chelsea, Arsenal and Manchester City this season. The key to Swansea’s success has been the way their midfield trio of Joe Allen, Leon Britton and Gylfi Sigurdsson have retained possession and dictated the tempo of games, and Moyes will have to decide whether he’s going to try and match or bypass them.

Unlike the vast majority of newly promoted teams, Swansea haven’t panicked when results have been hard to come by, which has helped give them the air of an established Premier League team – something which shows in their play. They’re positive without being reckless, and while they’re far from a free-scoring side they do have midfielders in Sigurdsson and Scott Sinclair who are chipping in with goals to ease the burden on striker Danny Graham. It also helps that they have an excellent goalkeeper in Michel Vorm.

Only Manchester City have conceded fewer goals at home than Swansea, who have lost just two league games at the Liberty since being promoted (putting them on a par with Manchester United, Tottenham, Arsenal and Newcastle), but the fact remains that they gave arguably the worst showing of any of the season’s visiting sides at Goodison back in December, when a Leon Osman goal secured a comfortable 1-0 win.

With Jack Rodwell, Darron Gibson and Seamus Coleman all unlikely to play it seems as though Everton’s best strategy is to break down the flanks with Leighton Baines/Steven Pienaar and Royston Drenthe. That’s if Moyes sticks with the mercurial Drenthe, whose unwillingness to track back remains a major issue to the manager, especially away from home.

It’ll be interesting to see what sort of team Moyes picks for this one with the cup replay just three days after. He’s heaped a lot of pressure on himself and the players already by sending out a weakened team in the derby before the first Sunderland game, so whether or not he’ll risk essentially throwing away another three points in exchange for fresher legs on Tuesday is the big question.

I don’t think Moyes will disrupt the back four again after Jagielka’s horrendous showing at Anfield, but I imagine Phil Neville will be deployed in centre midfield, where he could perhaps distract Allen, Britton and Sigurdsson with his Hulk Hogan finger points and high-pitched screams. I also expect to see Victor Anichebe lumbering along the right wing and Denis Stracqualursi up front.

I reckon the starting XI will look something like this:

Howard; Hibbert, Heitinga, Distin, Baines; Anichebe, Fellaini, Neville, Pienaar, Osman; Stracqualursi

Everton 0 Arsenal 1

Thomas Vermaelen’s 8^th minute header was enough to secure all three points for Arsenal on a night when Everton really could have done with regaining some momentum.

Arsene Wenger sent his team out to attack from the off, and in the opening twenty minutes Everton were totally overran as the visitors created a handful of excellent goal scoring opportunities. The best of the early chances fell to Aaron Ramsey, who blazed over after Robin van Persie’s knockdown left him with Tim Howard’s goal at his mercy.

Minutes later Ramsey was in again thanks to good work from Theo Walcott, but this time his shot was deflected over the bar. The resulting corner saw Vermaelen inexplicably beat four defending players to the ball and head Arsenal into a well-deserved lead, and the advantage was almost doubled soon after when Howard was forced into a smart save by van Persie and Tony Hibbert blocked Ramsey’s effort from the rebound.

Everton finally started to get a foothold in the game after David Moyes switched Tim Cahill and Marouane Fellaini, who was struggling to get into the game, and a half-chance for Leon Osman was followed by a wrongly disallowed goal for Royston Drenthe. Leon Osman intercepted a poor clearance from Wojciech Szczesny and fed Nikica Jelavic, and an exchange between the Croatian and Tim Cahill led to Drenthe getting one on one and slotting the ball passed Szczesny.

It was the first of many baffling offside calls that went against Everton – Moyes claimed there had been five incorrect decisions in his post-match interview – and there’s no telling how things may have turned out had Drenthe’s goal stood.

Despite being lucky to still be in the game after 20 minutes, Everton began the second half looking capable of getting something out of it. There was more effort made to get up and support Jelavic (who made a tit of himself by falling flat on his face while trying to barge Vermaelen over), and though they lacked the quality to create any real gilt-edged chances, it was still encouraging to see the Blues pushing forward.

Arsenal continued to look dangerous themselves, and again tried having someone pull out onto Hibbert and nod down one of Alex Song’s floated passes; this time it was Kieran Gibbs setting up van Persie, who shockingly enough struck the post. Leighton Baines then flashed a superb ball across the Arsenal goal and the excellent Tomas Rosicky felt he should have had a penalty when Drenthe bundled into him at the other end. It was all rather exciting.

Drenthe fired over from the edge of the box just before he and Osman were hooked in exchange for Magaye Gueye and Victor Anichebe (a truly worthless pair), and the Gunners again went close to making it 2-0 when van Persie fell on his arse while trying to convert Gervinho’s cut-back.

Cahill was replaced by Denis Stracqualursi with ten minutes to go as Moyes pushed for an equaliser, but for all the Argentinian’s hard work and enthusiasm he still looks like Carlos Tevez would if the aliens from Space Jam stole his talent.

Moyes can be happy that his side matched Arsenal for 70 minutes or so, but it must also worry him that only Wigan have scored fewer goals in the Premier League this season. Even though Jelavic looks like he could be the answer up front there’s still the question of how chances are going to be created for him, especially with there being no guarantees that either Drenthe or Steven Pienaar will be here next season.

Everton are crying out for a central playmaker to provide craft and guilse the final third, and Moyes needs to do anything he can to get one in the summer – even if it means sacrificing someone like Jack Rodwell or Phil Jagielka. The team as it is will get by OK, but if Moyes wants to get back into Europe he needs a better footballer than Cahill supporting Jelavic.

Next up is Swansea away, where a win could potentially lift Everton above their opponents into 8^th and, perhaps more importantly, provide a timely boost going into the replay at Sunderland.

Everton vs. Arsenal Preview

After a crazy week which saw David Moyes pretty much throw the Anfield derby before watching his team struggle to breakdown a stubborn Sunderland side, Everton will be looking to restore the positive atmosphere created by wins over Man City, Chelsea and Tottenham when they host Arsenal tonight.

The Gunners are enjoying arguably their best form of the season so far, having recorded four consecutive league wins, as well as somewhat atoning for their sorry showing in the first leg of their Champions League tie against Milan by almost levelling the aggregate score at the Emirates. Still, they’ve lost as many as they’ve won on the road and remain a very beatable team.

The biggest threat to Everton’s chances is obviously striker Robin van Persie, who has scored and incredible 26 goals in 26 league games so far in this campaign. The Dutchman appears to have passed on his customary season-ruining injury and has only gone and proven himself as one of the world’s best forwards. Hopefully John Heitinga, who should retain his place at centre back for the foreseeable future after the derby debacle, will be able to keep his international teammate quiet.

While van Persie is far and away Arsenal’s best player, there are still others for the Blues to be concerned with. Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is a massive talent, Aaron Ramsey, Mikel Arteta and the resurgent Tomas Rosicky move the ball around well in midfield, and Alex Song is as good a centre midfielder as any around at the moment. Arteta will probably get a great reception on his first appearance at Goodison since his £10m summer transfer (and rightfully so), but expect the mood to change after he  plays dead to get Marouane Fellaini a booking.

Arsene Wenger will likely name a first choice back five which has yet to lose a game when played together, so it’s important that Everton don’t leave Nikica Jelavic isolated up front - van Persie’s form means it’ll probably take two or more goals to win this one.

Jack Rodwell, Seamus Coleman and Darron Gibson are all expected to miss the game through injury, so I imagine Phil Neville will shift into midfield to partner Fellaini, with either Leon Osman or Tim Cahill supporting Jelavic in attack. Moyes will also have to make a decision on who will replace Coleman on the right of midfield; though Royston Drenthe is the obvious choice I wouldn’t be surprised to see Osman moved out wide instead.

I hope Drenthe does play as Everton are unlikely to dominate possession and will need to make the most of opportunities to counter-attack. Wenger has handed Moyes some of his most depressing defeats as Everton manager but the players have shown they can beat any English team at home and should believe they can collect three points that could move them into eighth.

Likely starting XI: Howard; Hibbert, Heitinga, Distin, Baines; Osman, Fellaini, Neville, Pienaar, Cahill; Jelavic

Everton 2 Chelsea 0

Everton’s annual second half of the season resurgence continued with a 2-0 win over possibly the worst Chelsea team of the Roman Abramovich era.

With John Terry over-tipping black waiters in some distant holiday resort, crazy Andre Villas-Boas picked the even crazier David Luiz and short-shorts wearing Branislav Ivanovic at centre half - both of whom were terrorised relentlessly by the manic Denis Stracqualursi. The Argentinian bulldozer may not have much going for him in terms of natural ability, but his phenomenal work rate is making him a nightmare for opposition defenders.

Steven Pienaar marked his return to Goodison with a goal after just five minutes when he controlled Tim Cahill’s knock on his chest and guided the ball past RoboGoalie. The South African was absolutely outstanding for the 74 minutes he was on the pitch, and it’s easy to see why David Moyes and the other players were so keen for him to come back on loan after a disappointing spell at Tottenham.

Even though Chelsea were on top for most of the first half their attempts at goal were limited to efforts from outside the box by Daniel Sturridge and Frank Lampard. Sturridge linked up well with Juan Mata, but Everton’s defence, led by the fantastic John Heitinga, dealt with the threat of those two and Torres quite comfortably.

Chelsea started well in the second half but failed to carve out any clear-cut chances, and on 71 minutes Stracqualursi sealed the points. Phil Neville went right through Ashley Cole on the halfway line, sending the ball into the path of Landon Donovan. David Luiz went rogue again, allowing he of the rapidly receding hairline to slip in Stracqualursi, who side-footed a firly tame effort towards the near post just as Petr Cech malfunctioned. Is right, Denis.

Everton dominated from the moment the advantage was doubled, as a demoralised Chelsea team visibly gave up. Aside from a late chance for substitute Romelu Lukaku, which was bravely smothered by Tim Howard, Chelsea did little to threaten Everton’s lead. The remainder of the game was filled with sulking from Torres and Royston Drenthe’s poor decisions. Villas-Boas is almost certainly close to losing a job he clearly wasn’t ready for.

The win moves Everton up to tenth, just six points behind Liverpool, so hopefully the rest of the season will be spent chasing an unlikely Europe place rather than looking over our shoulders. If Stracqualuris carries on with these Ultimate Warrior-style performances, Nikica Jelavic will be left spending his first few months at the club playing Fifa Street with Drenthe at halftime and buying weed from Jose Baxter.

Good work, Moyes. Just don’t balls it up against Blackpool next week.